‘The Bachelorette’ Shows us why you Should Never Ask for a First Kiss

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Vv Magazine has resident dating expert and Bachelor/Bachelorette super fan Jen Kirsch tell us what went wrong in this week’s episode and what relationship tips we can learn from it.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked me while sitting on my queen size bed, in my very-sunshine-yellow bedroom at my parent’s house. I was 21. It was our second date. He came over to pick me up for dinner, and I don’t recall why we were in my room before going there, or if this was after the grand dinner, but that doesn’t matter. The human memory is fucked like that. But what matters is that it’s over 10 years later and I still remember him looking at me, asking me that and me feeling hella disappointed that he asked – it killed the moment that really had the potential to be a moment.

Dude, energy is contagious. We have instincts for a reason. If we’re sitting on my bed, and I’m giving you the signs, just lean in and go for it. I mean don’t get me wrong, I’m all about consent and consent is very important in these types of situations, but it’s a kiss. A first kiss. And if you’ve been invited into my bedroom, and we’re gazing into each others eyes and there’s an electricity between us, chances are you can go in for the kiss.

I used this awkward and anxiety inducing question to shape-shift that first kiss moment from then on in, in a file in my psyche called, ‘What not to do.’ Since that cold December eve in 2005, I have never once used that line before a kiss, in fact, I always just lean in as soon as I feel a spark, to get it over with (so to say) and to see if a connection is there.

This moment came flooding back to me last night, when sitting in that same bedroom at my parents house watching The Bachelorette. Fred, that kid that had a crush on a few years older Rachel when he was in kindergarten (and she was his camp counsellor), asked if he could kiss her. Record scratch.

Her response to his question was the same as mine as I sat and watched. It was cringeworthy. It was uncomfortable. I’m pretty sure I let out a gasp and looked away from the screen.

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She was shocked that he asked and she even told him how awkward she feels,“I’ve never had someone ask me, they just kiss me.” He then went in anyways after she already told him she feels awkward. But dude didn’t read the cues or listen to her and did what he’s wanted to do for a long, long time. I couldn’t watch the kiss. I couldn’t watch this scene. I was shocked she even let him kiss her for as long as he sloppily did, but that’s TV for ya! Or that’s just the good ‘ol pity kiss many of us ladies partake in briefly because we’re put on the spot. Because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. Because we’re so taken aback and in shock that it takes us a few seconds to figure out what’s happening and catch our composure.

Relationship lessons we can learn from this weeks The Bachelorette, episode three:

  • Don’t ask if you can kiss her. Just do it if it seems right. A simple word of advice: If you have to question whether she wants you to, chances are she doesn’t
  • Don’t waste your time with someone. Rachel pulled “Fredrick” as she calls him, aside to give him the boot, being real that the feelings aren’t mutual. She told the camera “It was like a little boy was kissing me.” She went on to tell him that she can’t give it back. That she doesn’t reciprocate those feelings. She was clear. She was decisive. She didn’t sway. Then she bid him adieu in a timely (read: immediate) fashion. Thatta girl!
  • In Fred’s limo ride interview he said he was falling in love with her. Note to guys who think they’re falling for a girl who they’ve spent barely any time with: you aren’t falling in love with her. You simply have an idea of her and are in lust with what she represents and feel as though the idea of who she is and her nature can help save you from whatever it is you’re going through or seeking.

RELATED LINK: The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: Social Media Tips from RHOT Ann Kaplan

What did you think of season 13, episode 3 of The Bachelorette? Let us know in the comment section or tweet us at @ViewtheVibe

Jen Kirsch

Jen Kirsch is a relationship expert, columnist and girl about town. She’s also an on-air personality, with frequent segments on Canada’s top morning and entertainment shows. You can follow her up-to-the minute advice and insight on Twitter at @jen_kirsch.