If a beauty or grooming product rules, you should be able to express its awesomeness in 17 syllables or less. Enter Beauty Product Haikus, my new View the Vibe poetry series about beauty products. Every Monday, I will muse on some of my favourite beauty products in exactly 17 syllables because, well, I have a Masters degree in English, and this makes me feel better about all that money the Canada Council threw at me. Thanks, Canadian education system! These are for you…

Crest Whitestrips
Crest 3D Whitestrips

Beauty Product Haikus | Musings on Drugstore Gems

Beauty Product Haiku No. 1: Tom’s of Maine Fennel Toothpaste
You taste like candy
I would eat you on crackers
If that wasn’t gross

Beauty Product Haiku No. 2: Ode to Secret Clinical Sport
To hell with stress sweat
I can wear grey shirts in style
Because you rule hard

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Beauty Product Haiku No. 3: Ode to Crest 3D Whitestrips
Dentists are pricey
But sixty bucks for white teeth?
Let’s f*cking do this!

Beauty Product Haiku No. 4: Ode to Dove Soap
Sometimes I pay lots
For soaps less awesome than you
Regret is a b*tch

Beauty Product Haiku No. 5: Ode to Herbal Essences Hello Hydration Conditioner Orchid and Coconut Milk
You smell like mermaids
And Floridian pixies
Wash away my rage