Dating Expert Jen Kirsch Answers the Questions You’ve Been Dying to Ask

jen kirsch

Ahh, The Keg. It’s where you go to celebrate monumental events with a big, fat juicy steak, friends, and family. And for many, it’s also a classic and reliable choice for dates, old and new, thanks to the shareable dishes, signature drinks, and dimly-lit environment. The menu never fails and their cocktail hour specials go down oh so easy, so naturally, it was a great place for dating expert Jen Kirsch to host a pre-Valentine’s Day event.

The private soiree, held at The Keg on King St. West, brought together some of the city’s finest folks, eager to find out about love and sex in 2017. By no surprise, many of the party-goers had relationships on their minds with a few questions that needed to be answered – questions many of us think about but are too shy to ask.

Luckily, Kirsch had the answer to those burning questions and we’ve got them all below for you to discover. They don’t call her Canada’s Carrie Bradshaw for nothin’.

Is wanting a “click” on the first date a reasonable expectation?

It’s totally normal to want to click with someone on your first date. I mean, why else would we spend our time, money, and pain of going through waxing rituals down there and energy – so much energy just to go out with someone we’ve been sending flirty messages to all goddamn week on a dating app, not even knowing if they’re a real person or if they are, if they even look remotely like the images they’re displaying on the dating app?

Until you meet someone in person, you have no way of telling whether there’s any physical chemistry. Or really, any chemistry at all. I mean, charming though someone might be, and attentive via text (or whatever your form of communication is), we really don’t know if we’ll have that connection; that je ne sais quo. And I don’t know about you, but I thrive off that little something-something that comes alongside killer chemistry on a first date. But is it a “reasonable expectation” – I mean in the grand scheme of things I guess it’s “reasonable” per se. But I mean it’s a bit of a fantasy, too. Because you’re going to meet people who you click with, and you’re going to meet people you don’t click with. That’s just how the world and energy works. There’s also different types of clicking like you click in that you enjoy each other’s company and appreciate their stories, but you don’t want to pull them into the washroom at the bar to rip their pants off and take them right then and there. 

Let’s be honest, you either click with someone or you don’t, but you know it borderline immediately. This is true in romantic situations, but also in all situations when meeting someone like, let’s say your server at a restaurant or a new hair dresser, or a friend of a friend, or whatever. You say hi, you smile and you determine in that second if there’s a disconnect or if you “click.” No matter how babely or charming you are, there are going to be people you just don’t connect with for no other reason than energy and lack of chemistry.

So go in with the hope and intention that you’ll be a match, but don’t write off dating altogether because you don’t “click” with the first few people you go on dates with. There’s someone for everyone, but you won’t find said someone if you give up right away. Happy hunting.  

How do you feel about not wanting to disclose your “number” to a partner?

You never have to do what you don’t want to do. That’s the luxury of being an adult. We can share what we want. We can disclose what we want. Or we can omit if we want. I don’t think it says anything about your character if you don’t feel comfortable with sharing how many notches you have under your belt.

The red flag to me here isn’t that you don’t want to disclose it but the assumption that someone wants you to, and even cares what your number is for that matter.

I’m from the school of thought that – so long as you practice safe sex, and are not doing anything “wrong” or deceiving anyone – the more former partners one has, the merrier! You’re a babe who has gotten other babes in the past and if the babe you’re seeing now is concerned about your past partners, they have their own insecurities they need to work on and figure out. The fact is, the more experience you have, the better. That should reassure your partner that you’ve sown your wild oats and got all your experimenting out of your system; it also allows you to learn about what you like and how you like it.

I prefer when a partner has had many romantic or sexual partners because it’s those experiences that make them the talented partner they are today.

Also, we’re in our thirties – who in their thirties still keeps track of their number or hit list? Sounds a little gauche, non?

We want a threesome! How do we make it happen? 

Welcome to 2017 where you can find a third party to tickle your fancy with the press of a button (and not even that button, at least not yet). If you and your partner are comfortable with looking for a match online, you can use a dating app such as Feeld (formerly 3nder), Bumble or Tinder. In the latter two, be sure to indicate that you are a couple looking for a third party. The more specific you are about expectations or wants, the better – and be sure to post individual pics of you both, along with a couple shots of you together. If going this route, just keep in mind that dating apps are public profiles, and though only people on said apps can see your profile, they can screen shot it to send or show to friends. If you don’t want anyone to know your business, another route such as picking up a third party at a bar or a sex club is a better, safer call.

What should I get my bf or gf for Valentine’s Day? 

So many of us want to be the gf or bf who gets our partner the best gift ever. Something story-worthy, something insta-worthy, something noteworthy. So we read online guides and then end up buying material gifts that, although pricey, don’t mean much to our partner.

The best gift you can give is one that comes with thought. One that borderline induces tears in your partner because it shows them that not only do you listen and pay attention to the little things they say, you value their wants and want nothing more than to see them smile and exude genuine happiness.

An example I gave at the event at The Keg earlier this week, was about trains. If your guy for some reason or another has a thing for trains, always mentions them and even has a tattoo about the BC Railway on his left hand, then do your research and see if there’s anything that revolves around trains that you can get him/do for him. Perhaps the Science Centre is playing a train documentary you can take him to/get him tickets for. Or maybe you can search online for a cheap train set he can build in his room. Again, giving good gift comes down to knowing your audience and giving them something that will actually move them or mean something to them. There’s no set amount of money you need to spend, but instead just put thought and compassion into the gift.

RELATED LINK: Polyamory: What it is and How to Tell if It’s For You

Do you have any other relationship questions for Jen Kirsch? Ask them in the comment section or tweet us at @ViewtheVibe

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