Hometown hook-ups. Unlike Nike, we suggest you just don’t do it – especially when it comes to certain individuals. Vv Magazine’s relationship and sex expert Jen Kirsch fills us in on who to avoid this season.
You’re going back home for the holidays and you’re single AF. After a long-winded and heavily-poured holiday dinner with the fam, you’re likely more able and willing to send out messages to those you usually wouldn’t, solely because you know they’re in town too. And as the saying goes, misery loves company and being drunk loves dick… That’s how it goes, right?
Anyways, before you partake in any activities – sexual or otherwise – with another just because they’re in your immediate vicinity, we want you to check yo’self before you wreck yo’self. In case you don’t know here is a list of holiday hook-ups to avoid. Thank us later.
1. The popular guy from high school
He was a babe. You were not. You are now and you have a whole lotta Instagram followers to prove it. You think it will be hot. You’ll be banging out a fantasy (mind the pun), but trust us, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. The many years of pent up sexual frustration and visions in your head will always far exceed the real thing. Hold your head high and know your prime didn’t pass you 15 years ago. His loss, not yours. But feel free to seek him out on social and like a few of his pics just to catch his attention and show him what he’s missing.
2. Your sibling’s childhood friend
Even if they’re many years your senior and you can now (legally) get away with hooking up with them, why bother? Life is not a rom-com and you likely won’t end up married. If that’s what you’re looking for, I really don’t think a winter fling over the holiday week will lead to any good. Also, the idea that at one point they might have been changing your diapers and now they’re down there for a whole other purpose is sort of a mind-fuck, non?
3. Your ex
Fuck that (not literally). You already know why this is a bad, bad idea.
4. The bartender/owner of the local bar
This is a classic cliché ‘going back home for Christmas’ tale, so we get the temptation. Plus, who doesn’t love free drinks?! A shot of Bulleit Bourbon on the house, why not?! Actually, I’ll tell you why not: after the holidays, you head back to your big city life and he is stuck there forever, likely getting laid by other small town visitors (ie: all your friends, family members and the like.) And sure, you may be suave and all but every time you head back to your hometown, you know you’ll be seeing him. Do you really want to be sitting with your fiancé or your new first Bumble date while he watches knowing what your O face looks like? I think not. Sure you may get free drinks and have a wild time the night you hook up with him, but you’ll be paying for it years down the road, and every Christmas to boot.
5. Your friend’s ex
Come on. It’s the goddamn holidays, girl. Pull your shit together!
6. Your ex’s best friend
I see your passive-aggressive way to get back at your ex. Maybe you were begging your ex for a threesome with him for long-since you can remember, but unless it’s going to lead to a relationship, catch some D somewhere else. I mean sure, you’ve wanted him forever but if you want to keep your rad intrigue, leave it be.
7. Your sibling’s sibling-in-law
Aren’t family dinners awkward enough?
8. The live musician at your local
Actually, you know what, fuck it. He’s fair game. Bonus points if he plays a cool instrument like the pedal steel guitar.
Who else would you add to our list of holiday hook-ups to avoid? Let us know in the comment section below or tweet us at @ViewtheVibe.
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