Hybrid Foods We Want to See in 2014

We have the cronut. There’s the cragel. The ramen burger… Hybrid foods are leading the charts in foodie wet dreams, and it’s no wonder why. People are effing lazy. In the good ol’ days, you’d simply eat a croissant followed by a donut, or intermix the bites to “create” your own hybrid wonder. Nowadays that’s not good enough. No, no. We want our bakers, chefs, artisans, etc. to do all the groundwork for us so we can eat at our leisure without putting in the slightest bit of effort. Thankfully these barons of bites have answered our weary calls. But what’s next in the “OMG THAT’S FOR REAL?!” realm of over-the-top eats? We’re not too sure, but we’re hoping it might be one of these bad boys. (To all the vehicles for vittles out there: feel free to teef our ideas… as mentioned, we’re effing lazy and will never create these ourselves.)

The Macaronut
Aside from having a 300x better name than the cronut or cragel, the macaronut would do for the macaron what steroids did for Lance Armstrong. (#Winning!) Essentially these wonders would be mid-sized, somewhere between our favourite ringed treat and our precious little layers of perfect. A donut top, a supersized macaron bottom, and fillings ranging from Boston cream to rose petal. We’ll order the first 30 batches.

The Cheese Burger
Not to be confused with a cheeseburger, the cheese burger is just that: a freakin’ patty of cheese that’s been lovingly seared and set atop a bun with all the fixins. We’re pretty much just cutting out any sort of nutritive value (even ground beef carries protein and iron necessary to survive) and heading straight to the emergency room with this fella. Oh… but those moments of joy to be had upon first bite…

Borkison
You’ve at the very least heard of the turducken, nescafe? Well the borkison is it’s meatier sister: ground bison is stuffed inside beef tenderloin before being wrapped in bacon and deep fried to a meaty mess. Perhaps this will be the Super Bowl nosh that sweeps the nation this year…?

Nanaimo Boars
We adore Nanaimo bars here at VTV. So obviously we’d love to have a version that’s topped with fatty, candied pork belly. Perhaps it could be the layer below the yellow cream filling that gives Nanaimo bars their glory? Or perhaps it’d take the place of the chewy bottom? Who knows… that’s for the purveyors of pork and pastry to figure out.

Baked Alaskan Brulee
We haven’t had baked Alaska in, like, 4E. But we’re thinking it’s ready to make a total comeback. How-oover, what if instead of meringue we could find a way to do a creme brulee coating on the ice cream cake found within? How freakin’ rad would that be? Even it doesn’t work out just right, we’ll still eat the soppy mess with fat kid fervour. But it’d be so perdy to see this come to fruition. Anyone reading this who knows how to defy gravity give us a call and let’s work this shiz out!