The Ultimate Survival Guide for St. Patrick’s Day

Despite the unpredictable weather we’ve been experiencing (thanks, El Niño), it looks things are turning up green for St. Patrick’s Day 2016! Thankfully, we won’t be stomping on frosty grounds and instead, we’ll have an abundance of frosty pints and a smattering of green-spirited celebrators. While you and your caras (that’s Celtic for friends) cruise the streets of the city or stay put at a house party getting sloshed until the room spins, you might want to consider this St. Patty’s Day survival guide first – at the very least it might make for a merrier morning after…

St.Pattys

Hydration
This starts well before the first swig of Guinness. Get your water in you the day (even days) before the big event and take care to sip a few glasses of the non-alcoholic nectar of life throughout your binge. Don’t worry about breaking the seal early, we’ll get to that issue soon enough.

Green Things
No one wants to be the one person at the party without a piece of green. If you’re telling yourself now that it’s acceptable – that people will understand because you just don’t own any – walk yourself over to the nearest Salvation Army and pick up a cheap green t-shirt, or walk yourself out of my door about as fast as you came through it.

Your Pals
If you’re planning on drinking alone on St. Patrick’s Day, I feel sorry for you. It’s not because you don’t have any friends, but because you refuse to make new ones. Like a pre-school play date, this holiday couldn’t be an easier opportunity to go out and mingle with other like-minded individuals – I’m not talking in terms of similar interests, but a shared state of insobriety.

Plenty of Beer
Too many a fine man and woman have made the misguided mistake of waiting until the last minute to stock up on their supply of suds for the Day of the Irish. LCBOs and Beer Stores across Toronto will be teeming in the days before St. Patty’s. Grab your Guinness and your Caffrey’s early this year and avoid the long wait lines, and be sure to check out our St. Patty’s Day Beer Guide for the best brews around town.

Beer

Accessories
A green t-shirt is all well and good, but when it comes to impressing the nenas and summoning over the homes it’s your shot glass necklace or super-sized novelty beer stein that’s going to catch their blurred attention.

Mapping Ability
Where’s the nearest fridge, faucet, toilet (acceptable place to alleviate whatever fluid ails you)? These are all questions you should ask yourself before getting completely bombed. Make a mental note, or inscribe the floor plan on your forearm – whatever your method, just make sure you’re not the one reminded of drunken misadventures the next morning.

A Full Charge
As much as this is one of those days where you can blame your blackoutness on the inability for your friends/family/fiancé/fuck-buddy to get in touch with you, it’s also wise to make sure you’ve got an outlet to silence that red blinking battery light. Yes, friends will get loose and then they’ll get lost. And you don’t want to spend your whole St. Patty’s Day praying that your pal didn’t get pulled home by the weird dude who went full leprechaun – you never go full leprechaun.

Stay safe, stay tipsy, and have a Happy St. Patty’s Day!

Do you have any survival tips for St. Patty’s Day? Let us know in the comments below or tweet us @ViewTheVibe.

Jason Finestone

Jason Finestone

A Toronto based food fiend and travel nut with a lust for all things tasty. If his liver can process it (somewhat) then he’s likely game to give it a go. His wanderlust spirit has taken him all over the globe, living in 6 different countries from Canada to the US, South Korea to Europe. Along the way he’s developed a propensity for irreverent parlance and inhibition-less adventure. “If meat is king then dumplings are queen — I am a prince of noodle soups and a duke of hard drink — street food is life.”
Jason Finestone

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