It’s probably not as cringe-worthy as “Meet the Fockers,” but when you move back in with your parents it’s never going to be a cake walk. From mum rooting through your pockets to dad lecturing you about life goals, we’ve rounded up all those warm, fuzzy feelings…
Maybe you’re a boomerang-er who’s found themselves broke after a risky career move that didn’t go so well. Or maybe you’re about to graduate with a liberal arts degree and there are no job prospects in sight. Either way, moving back in with the fam jam probably wasn’t in your five year plan but alas, such is life. Don’t get us wrong — it’s always nice to have a roof over your head, but you know that in exchange you’re offering up your pride and your sanity and quite possibly your sex life. To help ease you through this difficult transition, Vv Magazine has compiled a list of terrible things that will happen after you move back in with your parents.
1. Younger people avoid you at family events because you’ve become notorious for giving unsolicited advice about all the things you shoulda woulda coulda done when you were 19.
2. You apply to jobs the way people online date. Emails from potential employers make your heart stop and you spend days obsessing over interviews.
3. You begin to refer to school as “the glory days” and suddenly understand why your grandparents told the same stories over and over again.
4. Night terrors involving root canals and other dental horrors wake you up in cold sweats at night. You haven’t been able to afford the dentist since you turned 21 and won’t be able to afford the dentist until you find a job with benefits. Or a sugar daddy.
5. Your social circle will dwindle to a handful of people you went to high school with. They likely went to post-secondary for library sciences or beekeeping and are also having trouble finding full-time employment. You probably won’t like them very much.
6. You spend all week looking forward to Monday nights because of The Bachelor. You feel inexplicably invested in the futures of Becca, Whitney, and Kaitlyn.
7. Your career goals are unstable and change based on the profession of the lead character on whatever TV show you’re watching at the moment.
8. Netflix has become your mistress. When people talk about it, you feel guilty and pretend you’re not as well acquainted with it as you actually are. You don’t want anyone to know how hard it is for you to resist every night.
9. You regress to your high school teenage self: your bedroom is a mess, you avoid showering, and you fight with your mother over what to wear in the morning.
10. You wonder how the hell everyone you have on Instagram is funding their fabulous trips to Southeast Asia while you sit in the suburbs eating Nutella by the spoonful.
11. Collared shirts and prim little cardigans replace crop tops and, despite all logic, you’ll miss the days when it was acceptable to show a little belly in the middle of winter.
12. You lose respect for anyone who asks you your plans for the future. Clearly nothing promising, based on your current circumstances. It’s an incredibly insensitive question.
13. You half-heartedly pick up a new hobby — yoga to get in shape, gardening to become one with the Earth, maybe jewelry making to earn some cash on Etsy. Naturally, none of the hobbies pan out and you lose some money before feeling terrible about your inability to stick with anything.
14. You resent people who say “Generation Y has no work ethic” but you also recognize that’s probably the exact reason you’re currently unemployed.
15. You realize that you have absolutely no tangible skills and are seriously contemplate going back to school just for the endorsements on LinkedIn.
16. Sometimes you stubbornly refuse to spend money because you simply cannot bear staying home for another day, let alone another year.
17. It’s a different story after three cocktails, when you flip to “baller” mode and pretend to be living as fabulously as all your employed friends. $10.00 whiskey sours for everyone!
18. You spend huge chunks of time daydreaming about a future where you don’t have to ask before borrowing the minivan.
19. You become incredibly close with your pets and privately refer to them as your best friends.
20. Now that you’re not paying for groceries, you’re making the ‘Freshman 15’ look like a mild bloating.
Share with us some of your stories about moving back in with your parents after university in the comments below or tweet us @ViewTheVibe.