Ah, the beach. You’re enjoying the sun on your skin, the lucid movement of the water calming your senses allowing you to get lost in the week’s trashiest trash mags, and then… “Oh no, he didn’t!” Your revery is interrupted by one of the following five beach faux pas fellows…
The Extremely Loud Talker
This dude isn’t necessarily confined to the beach setting. This character often plops next to you at the movies and somehow gets sat at the neighbouring table when you’re out for a bite. But having this human boom box disrupt your sacred beach time is surely the most frustrating. Talking louder than the average bear, this dude verges on shouting and there is no chance of drifting into a sandy slumber with all that racket. Best bet? Pack up and find a new spot… they usually travel in packs.
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The Hairy Guy
Guys, we females suffer through extreme discomfort and mild embarrassment on a monthly basis, just to ensure that we are appropriately fuzz-free and beach ready. Now, we’re not asking for the whole shebang but a bare back and some minor manscaping is much appreciated and provides an entirely more desirable view whilst we enjoy some well-deserved people watching from behind our mirrored shades. ‘Nuff said.
The Gawker
I get it. For single peeps, the beach can be the perfect pick-up spot. At best, you’re walking away with a phone number and a date and at worst, you’re spending the afternoon checking out the local fare. But there is a fine line between subtly taking in the view and becoming somewhat of a pervy gawker. Avoid being forcibly removed with these quick checks…
Be aware of your prey’s surroundings… Is there a guy with her? Whether or not he is the significant other, any gal looking to find love at the beach is less than likely to have a male entourage in tow so focus your gaze elsewhere.
Is she keeping herself entertained? Books, music and magazines all suggest that she has another agenda: zoning out and destressing. Never interrupt a woman enjoying ‘me’ time. You have been warned…
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Look for the girl who is alert and book-free. She is probably with girlfriends having a noticeably fun time. If she returns your stares with cute, over-the-shade glances and giggles with her friends, you’re safely out of the ‘gawker’ zone.
The Show-off
Yes, the beach can be the ideal place to flaunt the toned body you have been working your ass off for (quite literally) all winter. All that hard work deserves some flexing and copious amounts of strutting along the beach in your teeniest, tiniest Speedo, right? Erm, not quite. While we applaud you for having rock hard abs and beautifully sculpted deltoids, we don’t need you to put on a show. Be confident that you are being checked out from afar… no need for the Arnie poses.
The Litter Bug
Nobody likes a litter bug, especially at the beach! Be thoughtful to the visitors ahead of you and to our beautiful province as a whole and be sure that everything you brought to the beach leaves with you! There are always garbage cans dotted along the way so there is really no excuse. Bring a couple of plastic bags to toss all your rubbish in to make for easy discarding. Remember, there is always someone watching at the beach… and it’s me.