Oh, hello there, you swipe-happy, booty-bound, sex-seeking, relationship-romancer, you. Welcome to a piece I’ve penned that’s near and dear to my heart. This subject is of due importance to me as when it comes to dating online, I’ve seen it all. I’ve heard it all. And I’ve heard absolutely nothing – *crickets*. I’ve swiped left way more times than I’ve swiped right. I’ve ended a date the second my Tinder companion walked into a bar, upon seeing he looked nothing like his pictures and not feeling but a pinch of immediate chemistry.
And so, if you want to nail the art of online dating, here’s what you must keep in mind, at all costs. May the best man win, whatever winning looks like to you. Game on!
Never use a group pic, or really a shot with anyone, including but not limited to:
- someone else’s baby or little one (the whole nephew, not son catch-phrase is stale AF)
- an ex (whose face is blurred out, or worse, isn’t)
- a pet (too defining)
- a better looking friend or family member of your gender
- promo models (come on, bro)
If you’re not going to bother writing someone back, or not bother to write to them at all, just delete/unmatch/unfriend them:
You’ve already gotten the ego boost. Congrats! You’re a wanted, desired, babe of man. Do you need her continuing to text you ‘til she gets the hint? Need her to show her friends your picture whilst telling them not to message you because you lack the decency or expectation – after matching – to respond? Quit while you’re ahead, unless – of course – you want the option to get some head down the road, when whatever it is you’re currently dealing with doesn’t pan out.
Stick to one and give it your all. Apps, that is. Go get as many baes as your heart and dick so desire:
If you have every app and their moms downloaded on one device, shit gets complicated. It gets distracting. It gets repetitive. Sure, you think the more apps, the merrier; the more apps you have the more chance at puss you have. But such is not the case. In fact, it lessens your opportunities. Instead, hone in on one and give it your all.
Take a hint + never let that anger flag fly:
If you reach out to someone, and they don’t write back, or they do and the conversation fades, feel free to reach out again. But don’t send them multiple messages and blow up their phone. If you think they’re ignoring you, they probably are. There is nothing more off-putting than one who messages constantly, especially when you’re the only one who’s part of the narrative. If they don’t write back, or fail to tell you/give you what you want, move on. Men who take things personally and start firing back with insults (and the like) become an immediate write-off. Your counterpart will feel like she dodged a bullet.
What tips do you have for men who use dating apps? Let us know your thoughts in the comments or tweet us at @ViewtheVibe.