From the snack fiend to the skinny shamer, these 5 coworker personalities might be making you fat. Here’s how to deal with them…
The Snack Fiend
Every office has one. The snack fiend is easy to recognize. Her desk looks more like a 10-year-old’s idea of a smorgasbord than it does a place where actual work happens. Snacks fiends sometimes have an unfair sense of self-control and merely use their cornucopia of Swedish Berries and M&Ms to lure their coworkers to their desks in hopes of making work friends and distracting themselves from the monotony of their Excel sheets. To avoid temptation even if you sit dangerously close to the snack fiend, arm yourself with headphones. You’d be surprised how much less likely you are to eat Miss Vickie’s chips if you can’t hear your coworkers crunching on them. Bring sugar-free gum and mints to the office, in case it’s just flavour you’re after and not a handful of Mike & Ike’s after all. When all else fails, ask the snack fiend to kindly limit the amount of food on her desk to what she’s actually eating. It’s harsh, but so is finding out you packed on five pounds eating fried banana chips and yogurt covered raisins just because they were there.
The Coffee Runner
Sure, at home you might not bother to take out the blender to make a cauldron-sized mocha frappuccino for your morning caffeine fix, but it seems totally reasonable to have one at the office, especially if it’s a gift from a coworker who had it decorated with whipped cream and chocolate syrup like it’s an ice-cream sundae and you’re Shirley Temple. Just because someone paid $5 to bring you a steaming hot cup of liquified fat doesn’t mean you have to drink it. Say thank you, sip it nicely and bring it with you next time you’re running errands near a drain or public garbage can.
The Skinny Shamer
There’s always one person in an office who likes to make anyone who manages to stay slim despite having a desk job feel like he or she must have an eating disorder. “A salad again?!” he’ll shout at you as he plows through a McDonald’s trio. “You eat like a bird! You must be starving all the time!” he’ll proclaim loudly, making all your other coworkers hear his disapproving words over your diet. Eff him and just own it. Don’t make excuses that you eat big meals at night or have to eat healthy because you’ve got a wedding coming up. The only way to put a skinny shamer in his place is to show you’re all about your lifestyle choices and you’re not backing down.
While the snack fiend offers daily temptations, the baker is a pushier, more annoying office character, since bakers often insist people to try the cookies, muffins and cakes they spent hours making as if you’d be an ungrateful douchebag not to. Truthfully, there’s nothing douchier than the kind of person who passive-aggressively tries to make people eat things they don’t want to. Before you give into the guilt, remind yourself that not only could you buy better versions of whatever the baker made at the downstairs Starbucks because it’s 2013 and Betty Crocker revolutionized baked goods a long time ago, you didn’t buy a cake for breakfast this morning because you didn’t want it.
The Happy Hour Hooligan
There’s always a guy who likes to work late at the office, and he likes to work late because drinking at his desk is totally acceptable when it’s after 5pm and the boss is gone. You might catch yourself staying late, too, to have a beer or two with him while you put together a mindless PowerPoint presentation or catch up on email. It’s all fine and dandy until you realize you’ve had four beers, have broken into the snack fiend’s drawers looking for her dried mango slices, and it’s already 8pm, you’re slightly drunk and you’re likely going to call off your evening plans to grab take-out on the way home instead.