In VTV’s latest installation of “Talk Dirty to Me with Sara Starkman…” our relationship expert explains how to survive the post-New Year break up….
As the New Year approaches, something strange begins to happen. All of the excessive cheer, twinkling lights and candy cane hot chocolates slowly peter out without us even realizing, and what’s left is five pairs of jeans that don’t fit, contemplative (fine, repentant) thoughts and a massive to-do list. From returning gifts (sorry Secret Santa, I don’t moisturize with parabens) to signing up for the gym, relishing in the moment of festive wonder suddenly turns into a perpetual race forward to tackle the new year head on and subsequently leave some things from the previous year behind. At times these “things” end up being our relationships.
Due to the fact that the holidays are a time of joy and forgiveness (and also because it’s just cruel to break up with someone who has invited you to their 20-person dinner and bought you an Iphone5), couples tend to stay together until the magic of the holiday season fades and all of the problems (and annoying habits) that called the relationship into question in the first place become top of mind. Is our relationship healthy? Is it worth salvaging? Do I want to enter 2014 in a different direction than 2013 (FYI that’s always code for “I just want to be single”)?
If your partner spends the majority of the holiday seeing old friends and family instead of you, is neglectful of communication, buys you a completely thoughtless gift, refuses to make plans that take place in the new year, or becomes apathetic during spats, you may want to prepare yourself for the New Year Spear (straight to the heart). Regardless of indicators, being dumped always holds an element of shock. Why that is, I’m not sure. However, how long the scorn lasts and how greatly it affects your life is – fortunately – up to you.
Aside from the age old reassurance that if they didn’t want you, you don’t want them (completely practical emotionless advice that no one wants), be thankful that you are starting the New Year with a set of new opportunities before you. Not only will throwing yourself into a host of new activities be a fabulous distraction, it will allow you to meet new people who are most likely in a similar boat (I smell rebound dates!) and create a routine that makes your old lifestyle seem like a distant memory- relationship who? If you’re already going to be in the habit of starting fresh, focusing on all of the positive elements of a break up and all of the doors your ex-lover has opened for you may come more easily (aka extra time to frequent spin class- nothing feels better post-break up than Instagramming your freshly toned body- and having control of the remote all night long).