Brewski for yogis: Lululemon’s Curiosity Lager

Nothing says Vancouver quite like yoga pants and craft beer. Now, Lululemon has announced (on Instagram, natch) that is it joining forces with Vancouver’s Stanley Park Brewing to launch a craft beer called Curiosity Lager.

The limited-edition beer – 88,000 cans will be produced – will be served at the Lululemon-sponsored 2015 SeaWheeze Sunset Festival and Half Marathon in August in Vancouver, and sold at select liquor stores across Canada later this month.

Here at Vv Magazine, we believe the collaboration is a natural fit for a lifestyle company that has always stretched the fundamental principles of yoga to further its own profits. But we totally understand that some readers might be like, WTF? Thus, we offer the following reimagining of a Lululemon corporate executive board meeting in which the rollout of this curious brewski was approved.

(Please note: This is a totally fabricated, fictional figment of our twisted imagination.)

Laurent Potdevin, Chief Executive Officer
Thank you for being part of the Collective today. Let’s start this meeting with a meditation to clear the space and join our minds. Please hold hands…

Okay. The first order of business is Curiosity Lager. By now, you should all be familiar with this awesome craft beer that we’ll be serving at the SeaWheeze Festival. By also selling it in stores across Canada, I think it will go a long way to achieving our 10-year goal of getting our global collective scores within the top quartile of happiest people on the planet. Those Newfies on the other coast have been so tough to win over. They’re still so mired in their own negativity. But they sure do love beer.

Miguel Almeida, Executive Vice President, Digital
Uh, sir. I think the preferred term is “Newfoundlander.”

Laurent Potdevin, Chief Executive Officer
Ha, ha. Cute, Mickey. Look, I know you’re new here. But it helps to always remember that it’s your choice to be negative. Have you completed your Landmark training yet? Moving on…

Tara Poseley, Chief Product Officer
I think Curiosity Lager is totally rad. I love craft beer. But, (clutching her Tibetan mala beads) let’s meditate on this for a minute. What are we going to say to all those inauthentic people out there who might think this is an opportunistic, anti-yogic cash grab?

I know (looking around at all the blank stares.) Sorry. I’m bringing this negativity on myself.

Duke Stump, Executive Vice President, Community and Brand
I see nothing but positives. Lululemon has always been about promoting balance. You can practice yoga and still drink beer. You don’t have to be a monk about it.

Stuart Haselden, Chief Financial Officer
Yeah, but when monks make beer, the profits go back to the church. Fools.

Tara Poseley, Chief Product Officer
Is it possible that green juice might be better aligned with our brand? What about green beer?

Laurent Potdevin, Chief Executive Officer
Boring! Besides, do you know how many bunches of kale it takes to make a single cup of juice? I’m all about smoothies these days.

Duke Stump, Executive Vice President, Community and Brand
Guys, guys. We got to remember that we’re not encouraging our guests to drink beer everyday. This is a gift for finishing the half-marathon. Let me tell ya, when I finished Ironman, the first thing I did was crack a beer. What a buzz, man. It went straight to my head. And I deserved it.

Laurent Potdevin, Chief Executive Officer
Thanks for sharing, Duke. That was inspiring. Now, let’s not forget what our research shows. Yogis are major craft beer fans. Did you read that article in Yoga Journal? In North Carolina, there are four craft breweries that are holding yoga classes inside the breweries. This is a no-brainer. Hmm, we should talk to some of our ambassadors about that.

Stuart Haselden, Chief Financial Officer
Now, it is true that Stanley Park Brewery isn’t really a craft brewery. The company is owned by the Mark Anthony Group. They’re the guys that put Mike’s Hard Lemonade on tap in every sports stadium in America. Brilliant marketers, but not really craft.

Laurent Potdevin, Chief Executive Officer
A minor quibble. It’s not my choice to complain.

Tara Poseley, Chief Product Officer
What about Duke and Ocean? They’re not carb eaters. And a couple of pints of beer, well, that’s almost equivalent to eating a loaf of bread.

Miguel Almeida, Executive Vice President, Digital
Who are Duke and Ocean?

Tara Poseley, Chief Product Officer
Duke and Ocean are our imaginary muses. They’re the ideal Lululemon guests. Ocean makes six figures, she doesn’t want to have kids, she has a master’s degree, her core workout is yoga and she also likes running and spinning. She follows a strict high-protein diet. She doesn’t eat carbs.

Laurent Potdevin, Chief Executive Officer
Lager is a light beer. Besides, we’re mainly talking to the male, beer-drinking crowd with this strategy.

Duke Stump. Executive Vice President, Community and Brand
And let’s not forget the larger social good and the message it sends to the community. For every person who buys a can, another nickel goes to a homeless person who grabs it out of the trash for recycling. It’s a win-win.

Stuart Haselden, Chief Financial Officer
It has to be in a can, not a bottle. No transparency issues on this one.

Tara Poseley, Chief Product Officer
We should definitely appropriate those First Nations totem poles in Stanley Park for the label. Maybe cute them up with a cartoon design.

Miguel Almeida, Executive Vice President, Digital
Oh, yeah. That will so go viral. Remember Ayn Rand? Our social media impressions nearly broke the Internet.

Stuart Haselden, Chief Financial Officer
Cartoons? Tara, I know your background is with Disney. And this is a place where people aren’t gonna judge you. But at Saks, we always…

Tara Poseley, Chief Product Officer
Stuart, are you really living your best life right now? How can you be present if you keep bringing up the past?

Laurent Potdevin, Chief Executive Officer
People, I appreciate your input. Thanks for all the real talk. But it’s time to stop asking for permission and take ownership of the future. Namaste. Let’s go grab a beer.

Related Link: Vancouver Craft Beer Week 2015 targets lumbersexuals

What do you think of Lululemon’s release of the Curiosity Lager? Let Vv Magazine know in the comments below, or tweet us @ViewtheVibe.