We’re afraid. Very, very afraid. The new generation coming up the ranks of secondary schools will be the leaders of the future. These self-entitled little pissants want to work as little as possible while grating themselves massive amounts of cheddah. And the worst part is that they’ll likely institute policy reflective of their passions and beliefs. “Why is that the worst part?” you ask? Because governance should never hinge on whether or not heads of state are truly embracing the Church of YOLO. Here’s all the celebrity slang that’s ruining our dear earth’s chance at a prosperous future…
Slang: Twerk
What it Means: Work that ass, fool!
What it Means for Society: Skinny bitches will be ousted from prominence, likely via an ass-bump to the face.
Slang: Kiki
What it Means: A drink.
What it Means for Society: We have the Scissor Sisters to thank for this century’s libation label of choice, which actually hinders the professional growth of women named everything from Kirsten to Katrina. No one wants a Kiki as their CEO.
Slang: FOMO
What it Means: Fear of missing out.
What it Means for Society: Dumb kids doing dumb things instead of researching, studying, and partaking in extracurriculars (other than keg stands, that is).
Slang: YOLO
What it Means: You only live once.
What it Means for Society: Besides the fact that it pits those who believe in reincarnation against those whose religious beliefs are far more Western in ideology, what YOLO ultimately does is perpetuate the mediocrity of Drake.
Slang: Chea!
What it Means: Yes, in relation to elation.
What it Means for Society: Keeping “Chea!” top-of-mind might accidentally usher in a Chia Pet Era 2.0 – a craving for nostalgia. You’ve been warned.
Slang: I Woke Up Like This
What it Means: I paid numerous aestheticians to quietly polish my appearance while I was passed out in the tub.
What it Means for Society: No matter how stunning a figure you may be, we highly doubt you actually woke up like that. In fact, we’re pretty sure you looked like shit this morning. Basically, this slang is turning all y’all into overt liars.
What celebrity slang do you commonly use without noticing? Comment below or tweet us @ViewTheVibe.