Some of us have been unlucky enough to have wives or long-term girlfriends suddenly cut all their hair off for apparently no reason. We learned the hard way that this can be an abundantly clear indication that a woman wants to be a different person, live a different life, and often (unfortunately for us) have a different spouse. Not that we’re reading too much into these 5 celebrities who have cut all their hair off for apparently no reason…
Beyoncé
A few weeks back, Beyoncé’s husband Jay-Z, celebrity narcissist and the father of her daughter, responded to criticism from humanitarian legend Harry Belafonte that he didn’t give to humanitarian causes with, “It’s gonna sound arrogant, but my presence is charity.” So when we saw that Beyoncé had chopped her locks off, we couldn’t help but wonder if she was about to make the understandable decision to become a single lady again.
Miley Cyrus
Despite being in the celeb-watching game, we’re slow to adapt to changes to famous people. For that reason, we’re still under the impression that Miley Cyrus is 14 and don’t have any idea how old she actually is. She can’t really be that old, can she? Let her chop all her hair off. Maybe she thinks Susan Powter looks great? Whatever, she’s experimenting, just like she did with salvia. It’s all good. We had stupid haircuts when we were kids too, so we’d be hypocritical not to pay it forward.
Rihanna
Lord knows Rihanna’s made some life choices we don’t understand, and her aesthetic decisions are the least of her worries. Let’s begin, then, by saying we hope, above all, that she’s choosing partners who respect her and treat her with kindness and decency. That said, she’d have to seriously commit to looking bad, whether with long hair or short, and knowing the kinds of noxious chemicals used to punish African hair into looking European, so we can’t blame her for choosing a short-and-wavy look. She looks great and we hope she’s making life choices that mirror that good feeling.
Britney Spears
If you’re a decent parent, don’t put your kid on TV. Kids need to grow up without a camera trained on them at all times, without having to do commercials, without having to build a “brand” before they’ve even hit puberty. Spears spent her childhood trying to get on TV and was barely 17 when her first album came out. Of course she was going to have psychological trouble. When she shaved her head in 2007, it wasn’t a fashion statement: she was dealing with drug addiction and bottoming out. We may not like her music, but we’re glad she seems healthy again and we hope she’s using some of her millions to get a good therapist.
Amanda Bynes
There’s nothing more human than mental illness. We all know someone affected by it if we haven’t suffered from it ourselves, so we can only look at famous people forced to work their psychological issues out in public and wonder whether anyone still thinks being famous is healthy. Earlier this year when Amanda Bynes, like Britney, another former child star, shaved her head, we didn’t think it was a good time for mockery. She says it was due to a bad dye job, and it might well have been, but last week her mother was granted temporary conservatorship over her affairs and Bynes herself is spending 30 days in hospital for psychological issues. We may freely mock the narcissism of the rich and famous, but we feel for people dealing with mental illness whether they’re incredibly poor or incredibly rich.
