For most of the population, getting a make-over usually involves a trip to the mall, going blonde, growing out bangs, or getting thrust by concerned friends and family onto reality television only to get yelled at in a mirror booth by a sassy homosexual and his sidekick, the sea hag. For celebrities, however, with budgets larger than the GDPs of several ex-Soviet republics, makeovers are a near-Olympic sport of sorts. Who can be the skinniest without getting weird skinny? Who can be the first out of the gate on predicting the next trend? Who is so famous that they can actually start a whole trend on their own? With paparazzi and media (hai gurl!) constantly analyzing every bleached follicle and pound shed, it’s easy to see how this could get a little addictive. In honour of 2013 coming to an end, we’ve put together a little retrospective list broken down into the crazy, most #Awesomesauce, and worst makeovers of 2013.
Crazy/ #Awesomesauce: Miley Cyrus
In the celebrity media zodiac, this has most definitely been the year of the Miley. While the artist formerly known as Hannah Montana may have gotten her blonde pixie cut first in 2012, it has gotten noticeably more platinum in 2013. As did her eyebrows before, mercifully, being returned to brown. Her hair also seems to be stuck in two tiny top buns à la Sailor Moon in a meth mugshot. Miley appears also to have developed a severe allergy to most forms of clothing, excluding nude two-piece bathing suits and oxblood Dr Martens. Her accessories of choice have become solid gold teeth “grillz” and a naked mole rat that is constantly trying to escape from her mouth. We can’t stop, we won’t stop and Miley, please don’t stop either.
#Awesomesauce: Jennifer Lawrence
Who doesn’t love this girl? Jennifer Lawrence has become America’s sweetheart, starring in the movie version of that book that isn’t Twilight, winning an Oscar, and casually floating from talk show to talk show charming the pants off pretty much everybody with a pulse. Appearance-wise, J-Lawr (it sounds like JLo when you say it out loud, I swear) went from girl next door to full-blown fashionista in 2013. Not only did she impress Anna Wintour enough to become the cover girl for the coveted September issue of Vogue but she ALSO is now the face of Dior is strutting away wearing their most avant garde, haute couture, see-through red carpet sh*t. She’s totally upped her game, it’s amazing, and we can’t get enough of her.
Worst/ Crazy: Justin Bieber
Oh God, where to even begin? Justin Bieber has gone from being a fresh, round-faced lesbian lookalike to… whatever happens when you give a 19 year old white boy from small town Ontario more money and fame than three One Directions. Sartorially, the Biebs remains relatively on-trend or slightly ahead. The main makeover of 2013 comes from a clothing allergy similar to Hannah Montana’s and a penchant for putting a tattoo wherever he notices has been bare for more than 5 minutes. His favourite accessories this year were small primates, “tobacco” cigarettes, and a blanket to cover himself and two Brazilian sex workers. For the sake of his grandmother, Instagram, and monkeys everywhere, we kinda hope this kid gets his act together.
#AwesomeSauce: Selena Gomez
Ms. Gomez got off the Justin Bieber crazy train and hasn’t looked back since. Coinciding with the released of her first totally solo album Stars Dance and being one of the stars of one of 2013’s most crtically controversial films, Spring Breakers, Selena has solidified herself as a totally classy sex kitten. This was the year that she finally shook off the vestigial remnants of her Disney Princess past, got an edgy haircut, did a couple naughty things and fully emerged as a strong, confident young woman. Come and get it grrrrl.
Craziest: The Kardashians
One look at their 2013 Christmas card and it’s east to see why the Kardashian clan are not exactly known for being paragons of stability and normality. This year was a particularly big one though, even for them. Kim got pregnant and gave birth to Kanye’s baby. Luckily, she has bounced back fairly resiliently from having been extremely pregnant and has even gone blonde! Rob, however, seems to be having some difficulty shaking the baby weight. Kendall Jenner recently turned 18 while Kylie remains 16. Both look and dress old enough to pass for being twice their respective ages but, naturally, that is probably the point. Finally, Bruce Jenner’s face. Enough said.
#AwesomeSauce: Christina Aguilera
SHE LOOKS SO GOOD AND WE ARE SO PROUD OF HER. We know it’s awful that Hollywood promotes such a narrow image of what beauty is and everybody shouldn’t have given her so much slack for gaining a couple pounds but, really, Christina looked #Amazeballs at the AMAs this year.