Over the past decade, our televisions have been absolutely inundated with reality shows, and the trend shows no sign of stopping. From Survivor to Pawn Stars to Jersey Shore, it seems like every new program is some form of contest or staged documentary. It’s a fickle industry, though, and not all of them make it out of production and into your living room. Here are five reality shows that didn’t make the cut…
Outwit. Outlast. Outplay. Also there will be a lot of frostbite. Despite being true to its premise in that only one person actually survived the filming, the general consensus from critics was that the show contained ‘Too much human suffering and despair” for prime time television. Also there were no bikini shots. Highlights included constant white-out conditions, temperatures below negative sixty degrees centigrade, multiple bouts of scurvy, and a real-life immunity challenge in which the entire cast contracted tuberculosis. Rumours of cannibalism have not been confirmed.
America’s Next Top President
The fate of the free world hangs in the balance. Two candidates. One champion. In November 2016, America decides. Hosted by Wolf Blitzer, this show was pitched as a great way to determine the next President of the United States of America. The premise was simple: Candidates from the Democratic and Republican parties travel the country laying out their platform and participating in televised debates. Viewers then vote on who they think would best represent their country based on policies, looks, personal and professional history, and performance in the debates. The show never made it out of the planning stages after being deemed ‘too unrealistic’ by focus groups.
When the leaves start falling, there’s only one place to turn… the Rake Boss: Ricky McQuaig. There’s no job his crew can’t handle; from small backyards all the way to very large backyards, the kings of autumn get it done. In the pilot episode, Ricky lands his biggest job yet – but a broken leaf blower threatens to derail the entire operation. It’s a race against time, and the stakes couldn’t be higher. This show turned out to be grainy security camera footage of the studio janitor raking leaves for an hour. There wasn’t even any narration. Surprisingly, it has been widely lauded in the art world – apparently its aesthetic value derives from a flouting of the cultural zeitgeist and a scathing rebuke of the military-industrial complex. The original tape recently sold at auction for 21 million dollars.
COPS: Parking Enforcement Division
What you gonna do when they come for you? Camera crews follow the nation’s finest traffic cops and meter maids as they prowl our mean streets looking for infractions. Expired meter? They’re on the case. Parked in a permit zone without a valid permit? You’re goin’ down, buddy. Did you park there for literally thirty seconds to go into that store and you even put your flashers on, for god’s sake?! Tell it to the judge. This show had promise but was derailed by legal issues. The subjects of the show were sued after an on-screen altercation and didn’t show up on their court date.
Chronicling the lives of people so rich that they don’t need to work, this show follows Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Kim Kardashian, a few other Kardashians (it’s hard to keep up with them), real housewives from various American cities, the Gotti family, Ozzy Osbourne’s family, Hulk Hogan’s kids, Heidi Montag, Brody Jenner, and a pinecone in Rhode Island that for some reason inherited a trust fund. After federal regulators watched the show, they determined it to be a violation of the Fourth Geneva Convention. Showing it to anyone whatsoever, even enemy combatants in a time of war, would be an offense under international law. The tape remains locked away in a vault deep within NORAD and is scheduled for destruction this year under a UN disarmament treaty.