How To Get Back Into The Dating Scene

Dating is kind of like job hunting. Whether you’re looking for your dream job or the perfect short-term contract, you’ve still got to put yourself out there. Apply for the positions you want, land the interviews, and hopefully find what you’re looking for before looking for what you want becomes a way of life and not a means to an end. Either way, you don’t want to waste your time going after something that doesn’t suit you, your current interests or qualifications.

That said, getting back into dating, especially after a long-term relationship, is daunting. It’s easy to resort to going to bars. Or letting your friend’s friend set you up with someone they think shares a random quality, such as loneliness. Even if you’re newly back in the game, don’t let insecurity send you down a path of time-sucking nights out with people you’ll have to avoid in the future.

Once upon a time on an episode of Seinfeld, Jerry claimed that only 5 per cent of the population was date-able. Elaine insisted 25 per cent of people had romantic potential. I side with Jerry on this one. Next time you walk down the street, imagine going on a date with every fourth person and then add up the time and money you’d waste on dinners out. (That’s even before therapy bills and unforeseeable expenses like moving cities factor in). No thanks, right? You’re better off spending that time and money taking a course or joining a new gym where you might accidentally fall for someone who has actual shared interests. Which brings me to the first tip…

Invest Time & Energy Into A Hobby You Love

Yeah, yeah. Your coupled up and married friends think you need to join a dating site. Sure, go ahead. But if you want to read an autobiography jam-packed with lies, James Frey’s A Million Little Pieces is at least well written. Whereas online profiles generally lack the pizzazz worthy of Oprah’s book club.

It might seem like you’re avoiding dating by investing more of your free time into self-improvement and personal interests. But you’ll not only become a more intriguing, well-rounded and confident person by bettering a skill you enjoy, you up your chances of meeting sexy suitors who have the same passions as you do. Think cooking classes, writing workshops and rock climbing, for example – though you can pick up archery if you dig it. There might not be someone you’re attracted to in your classes and clubs from the get-go, but maybe there will be soon. Remember that people join and quit things all the time. So it might take a while before a potential love interest turns your life into a Sandra Bullock rom-com.

Chances are, you’ll meet someone later or in a more indirect way as a result. Your new-found sense of fulfillment and self-confidence will make you sexier everywhere you go without you even realizing it. From the laundromat to the grocery store. Attention Loblaws shoppers. There’s a hottie in aisle 7! Besides, staying busy keeps you from venturing into desperate territory. And desperation is never, ever attractive.

Consider Tinder

I know, I know. I just dissed online dating, so why would Tinder, the most superficial of all online approaches to dating, be a good idea? Because you can do it on the street car ride to work (just don’t let anyone see you). Plus you can learn a lot about other people based on a handful of photos and their witty banter in text messages. Also, you can set your searchable age range for potential mates. Mine, sadly enough, goes from 33 to 48. It’s like going to a bar without going out late and worrying that I need to see someone’s ID before things go any further than a high-five. For reluctant Tinderers, check out my guide to Tinder Conversation Starters for a more long-winded explanation of Tinder’s awesomeness.

Go To All Those Facebook Events

Toronto is the worst when it comes to people bailing on parties and requiring “Save the Date” emails before they commit to leaving their homes. Yeah, it’s a spread-out city, but you’re not going to meet anyone (aside from via the miracle that is Tinder – see?!) by staying home to watch yet another season of The Good Wife.

The beauty of the social media era is that you’re probably invited to a ton of cool things you never bother to check. Plus, you can also peruse the Facebook pages of other cool people (read: Facebook friends you’re secretly attracted to) to give you an idea of where they go out socially. Don’t go stalker crazy. Restraining orders have a way of making you look creepy. But use the information era to your advantage and meet people the old-fashioned way: by going outside..

Try Out A Matchmaker

Sure, it seems risky to let a stranger pick a mate for you… but given the mates that your friends have chosen for themselves, would you really trust them to set you up with someone you’ll hit it off with? Besides, going to a matchmaker is like seeing a therapist for your love life. You get to spew out all your interests, concerns, fears, hopes, and dreams no matter how embarrassing they are to a complete stranger and let him or her make sense of it all. Fun! The talented Sofi Papamarko, founder of Friend of a Friend Matchmaking, gets my matchmaking stamp of approval.

Reconsider What It Means To “Be Yourself”

People always say the key to finding anything you want in life is to be yourself. It always sounds painfully cliched, especially when it comes from the mouths of people who’d deflate without Botox. Being yourself is as easy as making the bad joke you think you shouldn’t. Or admitting that Zoolander is your favourite movie of all time. The longest relationship I’ve ever been in started because the two of us hit it off whilst talking about poo. That’s probably not a topic that interests you, but if Seinfeld’s right and only 5 per cent of the population is date-able, I’m probably not the best match for you, anyway. Now go out there with your own bag of weirdness and see what you find…

Are you having a hard time getting back into the dating game? Comment below or tweet us @ViewtheVibe!