In VTV’s latest installment of “Talk Dirty to Me with Sara Starkman…” our relationship expert discusses sex on the first date.
I would like to start with a blanket, preemptive apology. Grandma, Grandpa, Mum, Dad, Sister Helen, I apologize in advance as I am going to take one of your most beloved and eternal pieces of advice and stomp all over it today: Sex on the first date is not always a cardinal sin (again, Sister Helen, I am very sorry).
Now I know this goes against everything that’s been drilled into your brains by your friends, family, hokey Pinterest quotes and a handful of movies, but surprise! I’m here to let you know that sometimes, when the mood strikes, and the chemistry’s right, sex can be a completely legitimate way to spend the latter half of your first date (after you’ve been properly wined and dined… and then wined again, of course). That being said, it can also be horribly detrimental and you’ll never hear from the other person ever again, but it’s all about reading the situation and understanding that every partnership and every first date is completely different.
The most important way to gauge if sex is in the cards (and won’t destroy the potential to see one another again thereafter) is if there is a very clear mutual desire for it. If you’re at dinner with a conservative professional whose hobbies include golf and learning Mandarin on Sundays (and is wearing a polo shirt and khakis), he’s probably not giving off the, “let’s get out of here and make love” vibe (not that anyone ever gives off that vibe specifically, and if they do, run away very fast).
However, if you’ve been speaking for a few weeks prior to your date (so you already know they’re not a serial killer as well as having developed a certain level of comfort with one another), you might just find yourself closing down the restaurant, four glasses of Pinot in (which is more than enough now, ladies) and barely be able to keep yourself from lunging across the table. This carnal desire to express how much you want to get to know the person physically doesn’t make you a slut, it makes you human. Yes, sometimes it is better to keep the mystery alive and keep the other person wanting more, but when isn’t there more after first-time sex? (Unless that’s all you got, in which case I cannot help you).
If you’ve spent hours laughing together, reeling in this newfound, unparalleled chemistry, searching for restaurants open late enough to seat both of your loved up asses, and somehow wind up back at one of your places (and assuming the kissing is knee-trembling amazing), there could be worse things you two could do. I mean, after all, look at Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big: they had sex on the first date and they ended up living happily ever after – more or less.
All I’m saying is, if it feels right, don’t worry so much. Live in the moment and enjoy being sexual and completely liberated. And if you never hear from the guy again, it wasn’t meant to be (and at least you got laid!).
Sex on a first date? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below or tweet us @ViewTheVibe.