Ringing in the New Year while fun can play host to its own immense load of pressures. First we have to decide where we’re going – house party, club, restaurant, local pub? Once that’s nailed down there is the horrible dilemma of an appropriate outfit for chosen venue. Sparkles, no sparkles, jeans or dress pants? And not forgetting the “this slushy snow is just torturous for my new micro-suede loafers” kind of dramz. God it’s enough to make anyone stay home alone until next year.
But party on we shall! With the help of Champers, good company and a decent playlist we’ll forget all the troubles of the year past and look forward with hope and positivity and… hold the phone. It’s almost midnight and you still haven’t found anyone to share that all important smooch with. How on earth can you start the year off right without shoving your tongue in the mouth of a sexy, inebriated stranger? Well it just so happens that we have the 5 most important rules you need to follow to ensure that you successfully hunt down your prey and smack one on ‘em with perfect precision and poise… well, maybe not perfect but close enough.
Goes without saying really. No one wants any close contact with a mouth that’s quaffed down 6 glasses of Cab Sauv and ripped up an 8oz cut of cow in the process. Banish your Monster Mouth and make that gateway gleam with adequate maintenance before you go in for the kill. Floss if you can to avoid any horrifying debris transfer and go to any lengths to secure gum or mints. In the absolute absence of either, rinse with a shot of peppermint schnapps and hope for the best.
Chapped lips are an absolute no-no. You can expect the object of your fleeting midnight desire to turn and walk the other way when they get close enough to see your zombie mouth slapping in their direction. Make the effort, especially you males who look at a tube of Chapstick like it’s an anal prob. Yes, keeping your lips soft and kissable is manly! If you spend more time in the day licking your lips than checking Facebook, you probably need to invest in some mouth moisture stat if you ever hope to score that perfect snog.
Don’t get sloppy:
Of course we’re all likely to have a few libations to celebrate another year but if you’re looking to attract a pucker buddy, you’re best advised to keep it somewhat classy. Making eye contact is doomed for failure if it’s all you can do to keep one eye open and let us not forget how much you regretted it last time you had a few too many and told your date you loved her… fail. If however you do find yourself a tad worse for wear, your best bet is to find someone in a very similar state. Even if you wind up not remembering that magic moment, there are sure to be some good friends who just couldn’t resist capturing your romantic tumble with Diamond Dave from accounting and posting it on Instagram.
Moves like Jagger:
If Gangnam Style be the food of love, play on…. or something like that. Basically what Wills was saying was just get on the dance floor and show off your best moves! Can’t dance? Not a problem! Prove that you know how to have fun and that you don’t take yourself too seriously. If that doesn’t seal the deal then maybe you should be looking for someone else to plant one on, someone who is as cool and fun as you are.
If all else fails, offer to buy them a drink. Bribe him with booze, seduce her with a sipper – it’s the perfect excuse to approach and you’ll know within seconds if you even stand a chance. If they thank you kindly but reject your offer, get back on the dance floor and keep looking. But if after 3 minutes you’re still talking, you’re looking good for a celebratory smacker.
Time to pucker up buttercup… Mwah! And Happy New Year!!