Photo: Page One Philipines
Photo: Page One Philippines

I’ve been asked the question “How do I get out of the friend zone?” far too many times to count. 25 years as a matchmaker and online dating coach, I’ve seen many singles find themselves getting stuck in the friend zone. The best and easiest way to get out of the friend zone is to do everything in your power not to go down that path.

When you meet someone new, you will know if you have a sexual attraction and romantic interest in this person. Your body language and eye contact might be blatantly obvious to her. Now more than ever it’s important you’re not weird, or awkward. Stand your ground and remain confident.

But First…

It’s important to remember men, like you, women have an ideal type. It’s possible for you to meet the woman of your dreams and for her to only view you as her friend. Her Prince Charming may have a very specific look to him. She may only be exclusively attracted to long-haired, tanned, muscular beach-body type men. Imagine presenting the juiciest steak to a raw vegan. No matter how juicy that steak is, it won’t matter. Sometimes it boils down to the fact that, “she’s just not into you.”

My advice is for men who actually have a chance at changing the relationship status from friend zone to bae. Here’s my Matchmaker’s advice on how to escape the dreaded friend zone.

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Be Present. Shut Off Your Inner Voice

Friendzone - Inner Voice
Photo: Dr. Watlington & Associates

Have you ever noticed that you have an inner voice? It’s always on. It gets louder when you’re with a pretty woman and even louder when you’re with “her.” It’s the inner voice who’s constantly questioning your every move. Your inner voice may sound something like this,

“I’m not good enough.”

“What if I say the wrong thing?”

“Do I have a booger in my nose?”

“Can she notice I’m sweating?”

“Why doesn’t she like me?”

“Can she tell I’m nervous?”

“I hope she doesn’t ask me something I don’t know.”

Getting out of the friend zone requires you to be present with her at all times. This means, putting your phone aside and making direct eye contact. Standing and facing in her direction. Squaring up to her shoulder to shoulder and listening when she’s speaking. Giving her your undivided attention anytime you’re in communication will give her a sense that she matters. What she has to say is important to you. But your inner voice is a distraction and hinders you from listening to her. You may not get her communication if you’re in your head.

People “talk” to each other all the time while they’re multitasking, texting, looking away or scrolling through their social media feeds…. Your inner voice usually feeds your insecurities and causes you to doubt yourself. The next time you’re with anyone you have a chance to talk to, try it on. Practice being with that person. Practice being in the conversation doing absolutely nothing but giving them your attention. If you do this every time you’re with her, she will always be left with the experience that YOU are respectful and you’ll stand out. Around others, she’s used to being ignored, side-tracked or with them on their cell phones, far too busy to stop and just connect.

Be Interested In Self-Development And Self-Improvement

Photo: Ben White (Unsplash)

Women find men who practice self-development to be sexy. When a woman hears the words self-improvement/development, from a man committed to being a better version of himself, it has the same reaction as catnip. Women are attracted to a man’s ambition, sense of passion, purpose and of course, his confidence. In the real world I hear women complaining about how narcissistic, opinionated, controlling and stuck some men are. Men who have the ability to be vulnerable, open and receptive to critique is refreshing. No one wants to date a “know-it-all” Ned type.

If you’re truly interested in getting out of the friend zone, a great place to start is to get interested in your self-development. Take on learning new skills. Whether it’s to improve communication or your eating habits. Reading a new book or taking a personal development course, all of these actions show you are invested in being a better human being. The impact is that she has an opportunity to be influenced by your greatness making her world, that much better. It also gives you a chance to share what you’ve learned/discovered on your growth journey. It’s a win-win strategy!

Make Her Laugh And Find A Common Ground

Friendzone - Girl and guy laughing
Photo: Priscilla Du Preez (Unsplash)

Some say that food is a way to man’s heart and, laughter is a way to a woman’s heart. I’ve interviewed thousands of women. Whenever I ask what it was they liked or were attracted to about their past relationships, many of them responded with “he had a great sense of humour” or “he knew how to make me laugh.” Laughter is the best ice breaker and can ignite romance. There are so many benefits of laughter in a relationship. It decreases your stress hormones and increases immune cells. Finding a way to make her laugh and to inspire feel-good emotions when you’re together is an excellent way for her to start seeing you in a different light. Like you, women will always remember a great experience with someone. If she’s always laughing when you’re together, having fun and sharing common interests, you’ll be out of that friend zone before you know it.

Practice Listening

Friendzone - Practice Listening
Photo: awpixel (Unsplash)

If you practice listening and she shares that she loves hot yoga, pay attention. You can surprise her by suggesting a hot yoga hang out at the hottest new yoga studio she hasn’t tried yet. She will recognize that you’re paying attention to the things that matter to her creating a common and comfortable ground with her. Finding or creating something that only the two of you share, is also an innovative way for you to create the opportunity to spend time with her. Creating a common bond could turn into a welcome and romantic opportunity down the road.

Don’t despair. You can create attraction by standing out and being unique. Always leave her in a better mood and better space than when you met. You should never back down on opportunities to flirt and flatter her to make it known, you think she’s pretty special. And, if you’re tired of being in the friend zone, you can also work with me to help build your confidence or to find the one. Spring is here and singles are looking for love. I’d love to hear if these tips help!