So ‘tis that time of year when the leaves are turning golden and there is a pleasant chill in the air as autumn once again envelopes us in its cozy nights and pumpkin orange hues. Thanksgiving passed, leaving us with that all too familiar bloat and overindulgent haze from the marathon turkey fest that befell us all. Because although we know we don’t necessarily need that third helping of sweet potato mash with all its buttery goodness, if Old Uncle Joe can pound back five more-than-generous servings, you’d better believe you are going to give him a run for his dirty money. Yes, we humans are a competitive breed, even at the dinner table. In fact if you’re the last one to undo a button or loosen the belt at your family gathering, you may have missed your calling as a world-class competitive eater, otherwise known as a “Gurgitator,” a phrase coined by Major League Eating (MLE), the international organization that oversees official competitive eating events… Yes, stuffing food down your gullet as fast as you possibly can is that big of a deal.
If the idea of overconsumption floats your boat, you’ll be happy to know that there are a whole range of foods that people like to consume at an inhuman pace, so you have options. To assist you further, we decided to round up a list of the wackiest eating competitions to have gone down in the history of competitive eating. Hold on to your stomachs people, this ain’t gonna be pretty…
Eric Booker ate 8.5 ounces of onions in one minute to set the record back in August of 2004. That’s three whole onions in 60 seconds… I am guessing he has not been able to Excel-erate his breath ever since.
Tim “Eater X” Janus became a hero to university students everywhere when he slurped back 10.5lbs of the affordable dish in just eight minutes in October of 2007.
Oleg Zhornitskiy claimed his crown as the King of the eggy condiment when he spooned back four 32-ounce bowls in eight short minutes. As a massive mayo fan, even I find this a tad excessive.
I’d be more than happy to work for this title. But it may be tough to beat Takeru Kobayashi who hoovered 41 of these delectable nibbles in 10 minutes. I’m still game… the rolls are complimentary on registration, right?
Joey “Jaws” Chestnut made these healthy stems mostly unhealthy as he fried ‘em up and ate over 9lbs in 10 minutes in 2011 at the Stockton Asparagus Festival in California. I bet he could smell his success for weeks after… Ew.
Patrick “Deep Dish” Bertoletti dominated this bottom-feeder when he consumed 7.5 pounds of fried catfish in 10 minutes at the Rhythm City World Catfish Eating Championship. Yup, there is a world championship just for eating catfish.
Joey Chestnut brought a whole new meaning to the Subway diet when he polished off twenty-three 6-inch CheeseSteak subs at the World CheeseSteak Eating Competition sponsored by Subway in 2011. Joey ate through his own record of 19 sandwiches, which he had set the previous year, proving that you are the only one standing in the way of your gluttonous goals!
Pat Bertoletti proved he is definitely hot stuff in the world of competitive eating when he chomped through 275 whole jalapenos in eight minutes in 2011. Sources report that Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” was his theme tune for a good few days after the event.
Don Lerman nailed this competitive eating title when he subjected his insides to seven quarter-pound sticks of salted butter in just five minutes. Anyone looking to steal his crown may be advised to purchase any of Paula Deen’s cookbooks in order to prepare for such a battle.
We all think we stand a chance at this title on the way home on a Friday night. But beer munchies are deceiving and you would probably need quite the drunk appetite to beat Pat Beroletti’s record. Yes, him again. Apparently Pat and Joey Chestnut are pretty good at this overeating malarkey and believe it or not, neither of them is fat. Go figure. Anyhoo… Pat managed to pound back 13lbs of poutine in only 10 minutes, and I’m quite sure he was stone cold sober at the time. But I’m sure even he didn’t avoid the inevitable poutine regret the next morning: “I ate 13lbs of poutine last night, didn’t I? I hate myself.”
We’ll get a taste of competitive eating glory on Monday, October 28th with Just Eat’s Chompionship as part of Ivy Knight’s 86’d Mondays at the Drake Hotel. Student competitors from across the country have been filing in their entries, and the Top 5 studious eaters will get to compete head-to-head with elite nosher Takeru Kobayashi. It’ll be an all-out melee of gut-wrenching proportions hosted by You Gotta Eat Here’s John Catucci! We’ll see ya there, barf bags in hand. Find out more here.