Happy National Peach Melba Day, tout le monde! That’s right, for you lovers of peaches smothered in raspberry sauce and served alongside vanilla ice cream – and one would assume there are literally hundreds of thousands of you around the world – today is your day. Rejoice…
Wait a minute… you had no effing clue what peach melba was? A pox on your house, we say! Kidding… we had no fricken clue either. And, come to think of it, we’re also unsure as to what Pears Hélène, Crab Meat Newburg, and Sacher Tortes are exactly, suffice it to say we’re concerned as to their popularity dictating they deserve a national/international day of delight. Confusing, y’think?
Among the hundreds of national food days “celebrated” annually, we’d say at least half were conceived in grand BS factories awash with clothespinned noses so as to keep the scent of despair off the good ol’ olfactory radar. Thanks, PR firms and food boards, for trivializing National Junk Food Day (July 21st) by sequencing it with National Penuche Fudge Day (July 22nd). That’s a job well done in our books.
Pfft… here are some other totally asinine national food days, since, y’know, it’s Monday and your first coffee of the work week always tastes better with a heaping pile of BS…
January 7th – Fruitcake Toss Day
Presumably the official day for throwing out Aunt Irma’s awful annual “gift for the gourmand” before it sprouts legs and joins the cast of RuPaul’s Drag Race, Season 92.
February 18th – National Crab Stuffed Flounder Day
The answer to what happens when Ariel’s friends are left unattended.
March 28th – Something On A Stick Day
We just love that creators of this day couldn’t be bothered to narrow it down to meat on a stick, or pastry on a stick, or desperation on a stick…
April 20th – Lima Bean Respect Day
We had no clue lima beans were getting such a bad rep, but come 4/20 why not lay down some R-E-S-P-E-C-T to our li’l sort-of-green friends.
July 29th – Cheese Sacrifice Purchase Day
A day which will live in infamy…
August 29th – More Herbs, Less Salt Day
September 10th – TV Dinner Day
Do people still eat TV dinners? Is Swanson still in business?
November 12th – National Pizza With Everything Day (Except Anchovies)
Even on national days poor li’l anchovies get no love.
December 13th – Ice Cream and Violins Day
Music to our… tastebuds…? Or is it sad violins because we’re eating a tub of ice cream alone after a pre-Christmas breakup?