Dear Mr. Reader,
I remember you, but I’m quite certain that you don’t remember me. I’m not being modest, I’ve been told by one or two people that I am quite memorable, although I’m not sure whether it was meant as an insult or compliment, but I digress. Back to our story. You don’t remember me, because you had taken a few sips of the devil’s brew, were three sheets to the wind, a little inebriated, or to be clearer, drunk as a skunk. I don’t know where that expression came from. Do our little smelly, yet elegantly tuxedoed friends booze it up in the forest, garbage can, or wherever they reside? It is something that I will have to ponder on my next ride on The Rocket.
Anyway, Mr. Reader, I owe you an apology. You were so kind to me and I was a total 6ixer to you! I was mindfully reading my book on Sunday, when you interrupted me to ask me what I was reading. I politely told you, realizing that you were, what I classify as a little odd and I did not want to risk getting yelled at or worse in public. You then asked me, ever so kindly, if you could read to me. I said pardon, thinking I must have misheard you. You asked me again, if you could read to me with what can only be described as lust in your eyes, if not your heart. I declined, because you did smell a little like a distillery, and if you read to me, not only would I have to sit close to you, I may get a little tipsy myself. I also feared that you may be someone who doesn’t make hygiene a priority and I would not want to touch my book again if you read to me, and I was just getting to the good part!
I do commend you for your literary prowess. Might I suggest that you do story time daily at 1am for some of the other souls on their way home on the subway? Or perhaps, a read along during rush hour? I think it’s a nice way for strangers to bond. After all, a stranger is just a friend that you haven’t met yet, except in our case.
Until meet again, I remain literally (but not literally if you know what I mean) yours,
The Lady with Pulp Fiction (but not the movie, the book).
PS – The TTC is the better way when it comes to getting around the city. I am mocking the situations that I often find myself in, not the mode of transportation.