Dear Mr. Sidewinder,
I know that you don’t remember me, in fact, I don’t think you remember anyone, but I remember you. I see you often in subway grooving in a sideways motion much like the Crotalus Cerastes, more commonly known as the sidewinder (snake). Similar to the sidewinder, you are compact, but I try not to bother you mid-dance to ask you any questions in case you are venomous. Your colour pattern is quite buff in colour, similar to the sidewinder, even if your body is not. No judgment though! Your skin isn’t as scaly either – you must exfoliate. I keep meaning to ask you whether you partake of micro-dermabrasion or if you use a something more over the counter. I do not want to ask you for hair advice. Your hair is decidedly late 1970’s in nature and really, a gentleman over the age of fifty with fine, limp hair should at least opt for a bob versus a below the shoulder look. Perhaps a side part would add some fullness?
Like you, I tend swerve and shimmy away from the topic at hand. What songs are playing in your head as you shuffle down the entire length and back of the subway over and over again? As I see you shuffling my way, I think of “Oops, I Did It Again” by pop princess Britney Spears, but perhaps she is a little lip sync-y for a gentleman of your discerning tastes? Maybe “Can’t Stop This Feeling” by her former beau, Justin Timberlake is the reason for your groovy moves? It is a favourite of mine too. The way you have your eyes closed as you move in time to a beat that only you can hear sometimes makes me think of more classical music like “Dancing With Myself” by the legendary Billy Idol. The ease at which you move in your off-white, dare I say, snakeskin boots, screams that old wedding and bar mitzvah standard, “The Twist”. So please settle my inner debate and at least mouth some lyrics, will you?
I know that you may think that I am putting a lot of thought into this, but being a girl who likes to bust a move myself, I can’t help but admire how you dance like there is no one watching (although there is).
I remain yours in music,
Lady with Dancing Queen in Her Head
Have you had your own “interesting” TTC experiences you want to share? Either names or anonymous, we’d be happy to review. Send it to email@example.com. Ps. don’t get it twisted, we love the TTC, I mean… without it we would be able to experience all of this to give you a good laugh. Happy Friday!