Whether you’re dating online or using an app like Tinder, you’re bound to meet someone you just don’t click with. Ghosting, the act of disappearing without a word, can be harsh but what are your other options? Relationship expert Jen Kirsch fills us in on how to get that sh*tty date to leave you alone.
I was sitting with a friend at her place one afternoon, and her phone kept going off. When I asked who was blowing up her phone, she told me it was some guy she went on a single Bumble date with. Though he seemed nice, his constant texts after the date were off-putting and hella constant. He came off as condescending and clingy, and that pushed her away.
So here she was, sitting at her place, very available and accessible, and yet totally stonewalling this guy, unbeknownst to him. I asked her if she had been ghosted by someone before, and she told me a story about a guy the week prior who didn’t have the balls to tell her he just wasn’t that into her. I gave her ‘the look’ and she realized she was doing the exact same thing to this bloke.
So how do you get someone to leave you alone?
Tell them in a mature and respectful way
If you’ve only gone on a few dates, there’s nothing wrong with shooting them a text, telling them what’s up. They have it clear in writing, so there’s no miscommunication. There are two routes you can take. You can send them a message saying, “I had a nice time with you the other night, but I don’t feel a connection. I hope the apps work out for you and wish you the best,” which is to the point, direct and you’re not opening the door for them to constantly contact you in the future. Or use my personal favourite, which doesn’t lead room for further messaging, “I had a great time with you but I met someone else as well and we’ve gotten a bit more serious.” This shows that there’s someone else in the picture and helps in not making them feel as rejected.
Be blunt & leave no room for back and forth messaging
If they are sad and send a few inquiring questions back, answer at your own risk. People tend to want to get any response, even a negative one, so long as they’re getting attention. If you want to tell them the real thing that threw you off (like in my friends case, the guy messaging her too much then getting mad at her if she didn’t respond immediately,) then tell him. But if not, send one last message saying that you’ve been clear that it’s not going anywhere and you’d prefer to cut ties. After that, you owe them nothing and hopefully they’re mature enough to take you on your word.
Don’t go back on your word
You teach people how to treat you by what you’re willing to put up with. So, if you’re going to tell someone you’re not interested and you cut ties, don’t message them on a drunken night out or after another dude on Tinder dumps you. It’s important to have strong boundaries and know your worth. These tips only work if you know you’re going to keep your word and not see them again. If you’re going to waver, then don’t end things to begin with.
Change your voicemail to automated
Have the automated message list your phone number, as opposed to your first and last name. “You have reached 416-…….” Most dating apps show your first name, but not your last. This gives you some anonymity, which is useful when someone wants you to give them a second chance, or worse, feels hella rejected and has the urge to be vengeful. Change your settings so if they call and you put them through to voicemail, they won’t get your last name. This means they won’t track you down via other social networks. This is key, especially for those of us babes who are Googleable.
After my friend told the guy their connection wasn’t strong, he texted her putting her down non-stop and being condescending, in turn proving to her exactly why she was right to end it in the first place.
Dichotomy is a funny thing. We get frustrated with people we’ve gone on a date or two with when they just disappear on us without a word. And yet, there’s something harsh with being dumped when not even official. These tips should allow you to end things as cleanly as possible, with your rep intact. On to the next!
Do you have any other tips on how to ditch a sh*t Tinder date? Let Vv Magazine know in the comments below, or tweet us @ViewtheVibe.