Well, the race for mayor has been rather uneventful thus far, given the fact that we have a confirmed crack-smoking mayor still vying for his (likely stretched) seat. While the rest of the world sits back and wonders how he’s still a governing figure, we’re simply trying to decide if it’s time to “Chow down” or “vote Tory for glory.” (Psst, Campaign Managers: Feel free to totally steal those mottos!) While we weigh the pros and cons of all candidates’ platforms (and decide who would win a bathing suit competition, of course), we thought we’d take a lighter look at the election so we don’t end up resenting City Hall even more than we already do…
63: Number of Days Left Until the Election
With just over two months left until Election Day 2014, the remaining candidates are kissing babies and grooving out in the streets like bohemians for as many faux-but-not-faux photo-ops as possible.
69: Number of Mayoral Wannabes
The media would have us believe there’s only
five four top contenders for the grand seat. Surely some of these other altruistic lads and ladies must have a viable platform to consider, non? Matthew Crack wants us to “crack the quo” and opt for stripped down governance for the information age. Sketchy, the non-conformist clown (a.k.a. Dave McKay), believes that open government and dialogue might lead to the city’s prosperity. And good ol’ Sarah Thomson, well… she wants free “high-speed” internet, naturally. Whether one would consider 5mb/s high-speed is up to personal perspective…
8: Poll Percentage Difference Between Rob Ford and John Tory
According to the latest poll (by Forum Research), our ass-crack-showing, crack-smoking ass of a mayor is still striding along, holding steady in second place. John Tory has seen a leap to 35 percent support, according to the sample of just over 1,200 randomly selected Torontonians. The “beacon of hope” for the left, Ms. Chow, seems to have slipped to 25 percent. Perhaps that’s because of…
100,000: Number of New Trees Olivia Chow Wants Planted Annually
Cute idea, Liv, but a li’l off the beaten path insofar as tangible results for citizens, non?
10: Number of Points on John Tory’s City Hall Code of Conduct
The fact that a promise like, “I will show up for work each day to get things done,” seems like a novel concept to us is indicative of the sh*thole state of council, amirite?
3: Number of Rob Ford Bobbleheads Up for Grabs
While we’d prefer a nice gravy boat with a thumbs-up Ford visage splattered across it – having the mayor over for Thanksgiving dinner has always been a dream, naturally – we could totally settle for the Jimmy Kimmel Rob Ford Bobblehead to snuggle with as we sleep.
1: Number of Times We’ve Thought About David Soknacki
Sorry dude… you’re just totally forgettable in every way imaginable. A little suggestion from your friends here at VTV (since, y’know, you actually have some sound platform ideas): PDF docs to your policy is as antiquated as you look, no matter how crystal clear those blue eyes of yours are. If you want more accessibility in the city, maybe it should start with your political platform.
257,220: Number of Twitter Followers of the Top 4 Candidates Combined
If the election results were left to a social media popularity contest, Mayor Ford would win hands down; his 170,000 followers is almost double that of the other three contenders combined. Olivia Chow has a very handsome 56,800 members of her cult, while John Tory’s 25,800 Kool-Aid drinkers are a respectable bunch indeed. David (who again?) clocks in with 4,620. That’s enough insult on its own.
25,500,000: Number of Websites that Populate When Googling “Mayor Rob Ford”
About 24 million of them still asking the question, How the f*ck is he still mayor?!
Have you decided who deserves your vote come Election Day 2014? Comment below or tweet us @ViewTheVibe!