There are certain clichés and symbols our culture has attached to Valentine’s Day: boxes of chocolates, roses, and a virulent shade of pink that, with extended exposure, would cause even Barbie to consider gouging her eyes out. A situation undeniably associated with the holiday – almost as much as candlelit dinners – is staying in and watching a movie. The main differences between the two? Staying in means you don’t have to get dressed up, you don’t have to mortgage your soul to afford what you eat, and Pizza Pizza will never limit their menu to a prix fixe. Sounds pretty great to me, non?
That said, with the right person (and perhaps a little pink champagne), an evening at home on the couch can be just as perfect as going out. In fact, I often prefer it. In honour of all of the weird Valentine’s Day situations I have experienced in the past, I’ve picked a movie for each one to help make sure you don’t feel the need to go anywhere on V-Day…
Long Term Relationship – When Harry Met Sally
A shining star from the golden age of romantic comedies in the late 80s (honourable mentions must be given to Sleepless in Seattle and Moonstruck), this is the perfect movie just to stay in with your better half, enjoy each other’s company, and remember why you fell in love. Throw in a fondue set and a bubble bath to really prove that going out for dinner is for schmucks.
The Person You Really Want to Bang – Lovers Lane
Okay, you may be thinking, why a horror movie before hanky panky? Because this the perfect 90s slasher flick (yes, the killer is running around with a hook for a hand) and there is no easier way to get into somebody’s pants than hiding your face in their neck. You won’t even make it 15 minutes into the movie. Pinky swear!
With Best Friend – Beaches
Nobody said you have to be in a physical relationship with your Valentine’s Day date. In fact, the best V-Day partners I have ever had have usually been either my best friends or Reese’s Pieces. Beaches is an 80s classic featuring Bette Midler and Barbara Hershey as two friends whose bond eclipses men, careers, and innumerable adversities. You may want to bring tissues to this screening… it’s a doozie.
Dating a Hipster – 500 Days of Summer
Your hipster partner is totally shunning “conventional” Valentine’s Day and wants to stay in drinking PBR? Amazing. Watching uber-hotty Joseph Gordon-Levitt chase lost love on a day celebrating gross commercialization will probably be the most satisfying bird you ever flip to the mainstream.
Your Date With Netflix – House of Cards
House of Cards comes back for season 2 this Valentine’s Day. ‘Nuff said.
The Relationship You Want to be Over – Fatal Attraction
If you can’t stand each other anymore and the only reason you’re even spending time together is because it’s Valentine’s Day and you feel a societal expectation to do so (not to mention it’s better to drink with a partner than alone, let’s be real) then just pop in Fatal Attraction and they’ll definitely get the hint. That or you could pony up and end it. But Glenn Close really is mesmerizing in this one so we’ll forgive you if you want to watch the movie first.
Stuck With the Kids – Cinderella
Just because you and your partner are stuck home with the kids doesn’t mean you guys can’t watch some G-rated romance. Cinderella is the timeless tale of love finding love no matter what. The good girl finds her rightful man because she was meant to and everybody lives happily ever after. Not to mention once the kids go to bed, you can always take the child safety off your PVR and watch something a little more PG-13… assuming you remember the password. #RealLife
Gay Best Friend – Titanic
Let’s be real ladies, your gay best friend is probably the only person who will watch Titanic with you so carpe diem and take advantage of this!
Girlfriends Getting Drunk – Bridesmaids
Staying in with the girls to do mani-pedis, drink, listen to bad pop music, talk about how you don’t need men, and then drink some more? You’ll need something playing on the TV in the background and Bridesmaids is unbeatable. You know when the funny scenes are (read: never too old for a good poop joke), there’s a sexy Irish cop, and Hold On by Wilson-Phillips is always going to be that song you wish you listened to more.
With Mum – Casablanca
If you stay in with your mum on Valentine’s Day and watch Casablanca, I can promise you literally every penny will be left to you in the will.
Do you have a favourite movie to watch on Valentine’s Day? Let us know in the comments below or tweet us @ViewTheVibe.