In VTV’s latest installment of “Talk Dirty to Me with Sara Starkman…” our relationship expert discusses why women picking up men is sexy and not desperate.
I don’t know when this terrible urban legend came about (I’m thinking before suffrage), but I’m here to put an end to it. Ladies, if you’re out there, picking up a man doesn’t make you seem desperate – unless you beg or talk about your 40 cats and 20 failed prior relationships… womp, womp. The point is, being desperate has nothing to do with what gender you are; it has to do with whether you’re actually desperate or not. Yes, women tend to be a bit more needy from time to time, but that can in no way, shape or form lead to the massive generalization that a woman picking up a man is desperate. (Stops picketing and wipes sweat off of face.)
We’ve entered a point in time, ladies and gentle-dudes, where women can be front-line soldiers, serve in office and show the world what kick-ass athletes we are, so why can’t we shake this stigma when it comes to dating? Fortunately, I’m here to tell you we can and we will because the only thing that’s holding us back is fear! And considering a woman having the confidence to go straight up to a guy and ask him out is pretty much one of the sexiest things she can do, being fearful seems pretty darn silly, now doesn’t it?
Let me explain this a little further. It’s a well-known fact that men see confidence as a sexy quality. If you are strong, assured and positive, a man will respond accordingly. Who doesn’t want a strong, assured, positive woman? And better yet, who wants a guy who doesn’t want a strong, assured, positive woman? Those qualities dictate that you have something so amazing to offer you’re not afraid to put it out there. It also lets them know you’re not afraid to take it elsewhere, either. That is, if you approach things soberly, and don’t start to try to compensate for your sudden pulses of uncertainty with faux-cockiness – because that ish be annoying as all heck.
Having chutzpah is also an attractive quality. It’s the sign of a woman who goes after what she wants, isn’t afraid to take risks and speaks her mind (which eludes to how you are in other areas of life, i.e. dream-chaser, career oriented, etc).
Now, understandably, not all of us are bold when it comes to men. Some of us need a couple of vodka tonics beforehand, and some of us just don’t have it in us at all. But remember, picking up a man doesn’t always mean walking straight up to him and telling him you think he’s sexy (or whatever line you rehearse in the bathroom 10 times before actually going through with it). It can be as simple and subtle as locking eyes and giving him a demure and inviting smile, or even a come-hither gesture accompanied by sultry bedroom eyes as you slowly back onto the dance floor.
Be forewarned, there will be some old-school thinkers out there who somehow equate a woman asking a man out to desperation, but they’re becoming farther and fewer between (mostly because I’ve had to send them all back to the days of yore). But if you happen to stumble upon these types of thinkers, brush them off, baby, because it’s not you, it’s them! And you can tell them I said so, too.
Ladies, if you have any tips or tricks on how to pick up men, let us know in the comments below or tweet us @ViewTheVibe.