Have you ever walked by a guy on the streets of Toronto and thought, “Wow, the natural wave in that guy’s hair could have been sculpted by Michelangelo himself, and he smells like a fallen angel!” I’m asking because that guy’s name is Matthew, we dated for, like, a hot minute, but I never got my Kerastase Nutritive Oleo-Curl Definition Cream back. It costs $52, Matthew!
The thing about pretty much every guy in the universe is that, even when they profess to be bar-of-soap-only dudes, they’re always open to the possibility of looking better, especially if looking better means using all of their girl’s expensive products for free. I once dated a guy who thought Sunlight was just as good as body wash but, by the time we broke up, he was exfoliating bi-weekly and doing regular hair masques. Clearly, I am the anti-Pygmalion, turning regular men into walking statues with every Kiehl’s product I introduce them to. That said, guys, if you’re dating a product-savvy girl, get yourself to her medicine cabinet immediately and start sleuthing for the following items that are going to take your appearance to the next level. If you require your grooming products to smell like a birch tree or come in grey bottles, you’re missing out. Here’s how to be a lady killer with a few key women’s products…
GlamGlow Tingling & Exfoliating Mud Mask
Look, man. I know there isn’t anything remotely manly about walking around in a mud mask for 10 minutes, but there’s also nothing remotely manly about walking around with a face full of blackheads when you’re 30 years old. Besides, once this grey-green mask starts drying, you can walk around your apartment acting out Martin Sheen scenes from Apocalypse Now because that’s how badass this stuff looks. In just 10 minutes, you can rinse it off (be sure to rinse it off by moving your hands slowly in a circular motion to make the most of the exfoliation process), and you’ll have skin that’s so soft and clear, you can stop using filters on Instagram.
Philosophy Miracle Worker Retinoid Eye Repair Cream
If you’re getting called out around the office for looking tired on Monday mornings, maybe you’re just using the wrong eye cream… Oh wait, you didn’t realize you could actually buy an eye-specific cream? Yes, gents. This stuff changes everything. I was all about this eye cream this past fall when I was going through a weird insomniac phase and felt the way Nick Nolte looks. This eye cream made the skin around my eyes look refreshed and youthful even though I was averaging three hours of sleep a night and started getting accustomed to have public meltdowns in Tim Hortons when I rolled up the rim and lost. At least I looked amazing when the police arrived on the scene.
Moroccanoil Body Buff
You know when you’re lying in bed with a girl, and you touch her skin and it’s so soft that you can’t help but think, “Holy eff! When she said she played volleyball, did she mean for her high school volleyball team?!” Before you panic and start thinking of escape plans for your accidental Lolita escapade, know that, chances are, she’s just an expert moisturizer. Moroccanoil Body Buff is one of those amazing products that you actually use before you get into the shower. Massage this stuff right on dry or semi-dry skin before hopping in. It smells like a magical orange tree garden, so enjoy the time it takes to really work it over dry patches. When you rinse it off in the shower, the argan oil, Vitamin E, avocado, sweet almond, safflower and sesame oil in the product will leave your skin so silky smooth that you won’t even need to moisturize when you get out. It’s like shedding a whole layer of your tired self. And word to the wise: Next time you hook up with a girl and you’re unsure of her age, ask her if she was sad when Kurt Cobain died. If she wasn’t sad, she is either way too young for you or so totally uncool that she’s not worth dating anyway, amirite?
Kerastase Nutritive Oleo-Curl Definition Cream (For Thick, Curly Hair)
I recently raved about this product in my post on Humidity-Defying Products for Curly Hair, and that’s because there’s nothing else like it. Sure, it’s $52, and it seems like a totally unreasonable amount of money to pay for a hair product, but once you put a dollop of this stuff in naturally wavy/curly hair and let it work its magic, you’ll have your first ever beauty product epiphany: Some products really are better than all the others. I don’t need to tell you again how amazing this stuff smells or how it makes your hair wave fall effortlessly like you’re a 21st century Adonis. Just try it out, and see for yourself.
Kiehl’s Ultra Facial Overnight Hydrating Masque
Most guys tend to be willing to put a ton of effort into getting ready for a night on the town, but so many of you have yet to embrace the idea that getting ready is an ongoing process with many secret rituals that let you look amazing on Friday night simply because you’re putting a little bit of effort in all the time. You can’t just throw on moisturizer before going out and hope that you’re skin looks fresh and rejuvenated. You’ve got treat your face the same way you’d treat anything else that you care about. Let’s say you were making a nice dinner for a date. You’d hopefully have a plan of attack that involves marinating certain things, using good quality ingredients and prepping food in a certain way that will enhance its flavour. You should think of your grooming regime the same way. There are steps, ingredients and specific times to do everything, and it’s really not that complicated once you get used to it. If you use this overnight moisturizer a few nights a week, you’re always going to be smoking hot on Friday nights because you’ve been marinating that gorgeous face. Just make sure to eventually buy your own jar because we girls will notice that you’re increasingly handsome appearance is in direct relation to the decreasing amount of products in our medicine cabinet.