Current Obsession: Average Penis Size

People are talking a lot about penises these days. In the digital age of publishing, we get that anything vaguely controversial can be used for click bait (er… dick bait?) but things are getting “ri-dick-ulous.” This week we ponder: Are penises one size fits all?

According to a recent study published in the British Journal of Urology’s international edition, 15,000 guys from around the globe dropped their drawers to see how they measure up. Apparently the average erection stands at about 13.12cm (5.2 inches) and is 11.66cm (4.6 inches) in circumference. When flaccid, a regular dong is about 9.16cm (3.6 inches) in length and 9.31cm (3.66 inches) around. Cum again?

Whether that seems small, average, or the stuff of legend is a matter of perspective. We want to get to the meat of the issue though, which is the fact that people are actually talking about tallywackers in excess these days. Formerly reserved for the back of Cosmo magazines, this information is now shared across the digital media stratosphere with the explosive enthusiasm of a 70s smut film.

This is reflective of where Western culture is at today in the wake of social media, dating apps, and porn. It is undeniable that whether you are looking for it or not, we are all exposed to a lot of D. From Rick Owens sending full-frontal male nudity down the catwalks of Paris Fashion Week to Michael Fassbender flip flopping in Shame, penises are no longer reserved solely for obscure European art-house films. Oh yes, and who can forget dick pics a.k.a. the pick-up line of choice for sophisticated gentlemen on Tinder and Grindr.

Media has started to reflect this, with Salon opening our eyes to a whole new world of wieners. Tracy Clark-Flory has covered the whole schmeckel spectrum in gems like “The best sex tips you’ll ever hear — from a man with no penis,” “’I’d go out in public wearing tight pants to shock people’: Life as the man with the world’s largest penis,” and, our personal favourite, “’I’m hung like a toddler’: Meet a man with a micropenis.” This last piece relayed the experience of a man with a penis he describes as the size of a “sewing thimble soft, wine cork erect.” We at Vv Magazine have experienced some of this mini meat in our time. From being unable to put a condom on it, to just straight up not feeling anything, it raises the question, “Does size really matter?”

With quotes flying around the office like, “It was like deep-throating a baby carrot!” and “I couldn’t even get it in!” unfortunately, it seems like there is a bar that we expect our boys to be above. But to what extent? Call us shallow, but our younger selves could not swallow (literally) being with an exceptionally poorly-endowed man. Is this a form of body shaming? Maybe. But it does make for a good segue to the benefit of having some healthy dong dialogue in the media. By exposing people to an increasing variety of penis shapes, sizes, and variations, hopefully future generation of men with wonky willies might have more of a fighting chance at find love — or at least getting laid.

Male bodies are being objectified at a level previously reserved exclusively for women. Porn has made men hypercritical of their endowment, wondering how they can size up next to the hung horses of the World Wide Web’s stable. This has caused insecurity on a variety of levels, leading gents to get procedures ranging from adult circumcision to penis augmentation surgery. Nips and tucks are nothing new to women, who have long been made to feel inadequate about their vaginas and breasts, leading to boob jobs, vaginoplasty, and labiaplasty. Fortunately, only 2.28 percent of the population has an abnormally small penis so chances are you have nothing to worry about.

So, does size impact pleasure? The Independent goes into this topic at length, and apparently a petite package is not so much the issue. What does have a more weighty effect is whether you can keep it up and how thick it is. If you’re a little insecure, you can probably do yourself some favours by not drinking too much and doing some nasal skiing before hooking up. Remember also, vaginal orgasms are relatively rare so thrusting deep shouldn’t be your main concern. Most women orgasm clitorally so if you’re more worried, it’s best to get that cunilingus on fleek.

What are your thoughts on the so-called average penis size? Chime in on the comments below or tweet us @ViewTheVibe.