5 Things I Wish I Had Known Before Becoming a Mom

When I found out I was pregnant, it took a while for the shock to subside. We had been trying to expand our family for a long time and it just wasn’t happening. I was already starting to accept that perhaps it just wasn’t in the cards for us when BAM! our lives suddenly changed.

I had a very easy pregnancy. No morning sickness, no complications and only a few aches and pains. I had hoped that meant the baby growing inside of me was going to be happy and easy going, too. And as my due date approached, I was getting more nervous but excited too – soon we would be meeting our little guy!

When you’re pregnant for the first time you will receive a ton of advice and wise words from experienced parents such as, “get rest now – you’ll never get a good night’s sleep again”, “sleep when the baby sleeps”, “enjoy every moment because it goes so fast”.

But what I wish moms had told me was how hard the first few months would be. Parenting, of course, is hard. You’ve probably heard that it’s the hardest job you’ll ever have but also the most rewarding. I just wish someone told me how I should expect to feel: sleep deprived with a crying, inconsolable baby in my arms almost 24 hours a day!

My husband and I took the prenatal classes offered to us by our hospital as most first time parents do. While it was practical advice teaching about what to expect during labour and what’s normal for a newborn’s poop to look like, it still didn’t prepare us for the reality of it all.

In sharing the 5 things I didn’t know about becoming a parent I’m hoping to save some of you from worrying if what you’re going through is normal or not.

1. Babies cry A LOT!
I know this one seems obvious but honestly, there were times when I felt like I was doing everything and baby T would just not stop crying. I felt like I was doing something wrong or there was something medically wrong with him. The world is a scary place for babies. They spent so much time all cozy inside a womb and they’re not really ready to come out. In my case, T was born 5 weeks premature so he really wasn’t ready for the real world. The first few weeks felt like torture – sleep deprivation was one thing but listening to a baby wail in your ear for the hours you were awake can also do a number on you!

2. It’s Okay To Not Feel Blissful
You always hear about the good parts of welcoming a newborn; the intense love you feel for them, the joy and happiness that they’re finally here. From my own experience and through chatting with other new moms, this isn’t always the case. Of course, you’re happy and you love your little baby but a lot of time, those feelings get trumped by panic and anxiety since everything is brand new. For me it took a few months to really start to enjoy my time with the baby. Before that, I thought there was something wrong with me because I wasn’t “embracing motherhood”. It’s okay not to be happy and excited 100% of the time. 

3. I Would Miss My Old Life
I knew that life would completely change and I was prepared for those changes. But I wasn’t prepared for how much I would miss the freedom of my old life. Simply leaving the house became a huge production and spontaneous dinners out were no longer an option. I also missed my alone time and my independence. I am so thankful that I have a great support system to rely on but it never occurred to me just how much help I would need! And alone time was no longer a leisurely day at the spa or indulging in a good chick flick. I now cherish the times when I can take a hot shower that’s longer than 5 minutes or enjoy a cup of coffee without it getting cold!

4. I Would Lose Non-Mom Friends but Gain Mom Friends
Before I had my baby, I really didn’t understand the “mom group” culture. Many of my friends have kids and when I was the one without a child, I couldn’t help but feel left out. I swore to myself that if I ever became a mom, I wouldn’t lose my non-mom friends. While for the most part, I’ve managed to stay close to a few of my non-mom friends I was surprised at the number that didn’t contact or reach out to me when my baby was born. I was also surprised at how easily I made friends with other moms – sleep deprivation and shared experiences really do bring people together!

5. My Former Interests Would Feel Meaningless
Before becoming a mother, it never occurred to me how much my interests would change. Things that used to interest me and that I looked forward to were no longer at the top of my mind. For the first few months of baby T’s life, I can’t believe how much I googled all baby related stuff. I was in my own little bubble and had no clue what was happening outside of my little sleep deprived world. It was only recently that I started to get back into life outside my little family. There were times when I couldn’t even remember what used to make me happy or I what I identified with. Now I understand moms whose whole worlds are their kids! My baby means everything to me but I’m determined to try to find my old self again – perhaps even an improved version of my old self!

Becoming a parent – and a mom in particular – has been the most difficult experience of my life so far. I’m happy to report that it’s been 5 months and I’ve survived, so far! Hopefully, that means I’m cut out to tackle all the future challenges I’ll inevitably face.

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Are you a new mom? Was motherhood exactly what you expected? Let Vv Magazine know in the comment section or tweet us at @ViewtheVibe.