Diary of a Mad Torontonian: 2024 in review–the year of clout-chasing, gridlock, and municipal bungling

Hey besties, here we are at the end of the year and I’m so proud to share the fourth edition of  Diary of a Mad Torontonian. Your new monthly digest on the true essence of the 6ix—where streets are littered with condo cranes, the seasons are “winter” and “construction,” and the trash pandas roam freely with an eye on even the most secure green bins. Like some of our favourite brands, we’re doing our own version of the year in review, like only we can – in one long rant. It’s been a year people, and there’s lots to say. Don’t hold back – let me know what you think! Did I accurately capture all your grievances? Commiserate with me by sending your observations, complaints, woes and occasional compliments my way. It just may get some ink. Let us know by hitting the share buttons and tagging @viewthevibe. I’ll be watching… (from afar). Are you ready to take a stroll down memory lane? Let’s get into it.

Ah, 2024. Toronto’s year of… what exactly? Progress? Cultural flourishing? Civic excellence? Nope. If you’re looking for a year that epitomized dysfunction wrapped in a glossy Instagram filter, this was it. In 2024, Toronto doubled down on its love of exclusivity, dysfunction and shallow glitz. From condo towers scraping the sky to traffic jams that made even the racoons rethink their life choices, this year truly showed us what Toronto is made of: overpriced cocktails, performative charity events, and municipal mismanagement.

“Most Influential” AKA The Clout Olympics

Every year, Toronto’s “Most Influential” list is published and it serves as a reminder that that influence isn’t about impact; it’s about clout. This year’s list was a LinkedIn brag fest masquerading as journalism. Sure, there were some highlights – the Godfather of AI, and the PWHL, but the usual suspects who round out the list – politicians who talk a big game but do little, and the influencers who manage to turn brunch into a cultural moment. When can we skip these folks? 

Where is the criteria on who makes this list? It seems to me that having the same people appear on the list year after year celebrates mediocrity and outdated values. I’d really like to know if Drake makes the list annually in hopes that he will show up to the party. He’s not coming guys. Give up.

But let’s be honest: half these picks have influence the way raccoons have influence over your garbage can—annoying, messy, and somehow unavoidable. While the city’s housing crisis reached dystopian levels, the list championed people who threw rooftop parties for charitable vibes. If these are the tastemakers, maybe we should stop tasting.

City Hall: Where good ideas go to die

Toronto’s municipal government continued its proud tradition of being the city’s biggest barrier to success. 2024 was a year of bold ideas—most of which were promptly buried under red tape, infighting, and the inability to answer a simple question without forming a committee first.

The city’s leadership was its usual mess of red tape and public squabbling. In a particularly memorable disaster, they spent half the year debating how to implement bike lanes on Bloor, only to announce a “compromise” that somehow made driving, biking, and walking worse for everyone.

As for housing, City Hall went big: approving even more micro-condos the size of a broom closet while hosting yet another housing summit where the words “affordable” and “innovative” were thrown around like confetti. Meanwhile, developers installed rooftop pools and charging stations for electric scooters—because nothing says “livable city” like luxury amenities no one can afford to use.

Luxury Retail is back baby

This year, Toronto doubled down on luxury retail as Bloor Street and Yorkdale Mall welcomed an avalanche of high-end stores from Loewe to Balenciaga, catering to the city’s champagne dreams in a tap-water reality. 

Toronto’s fashion set flocked to these spaces for opening night and anniversary parties to take in the glittering window displays of $5,000 handbags and $1,500 sneakers while sipping cocktails and snacking on canapés. No detail was left uncovered with Instagram feeds cluttered with pictures of luxe products most can’t afford.  From Tiffany to Alexander Wang (conveniently ignoring the designer’s baggage),  these celebrations screamed how out of touch the fauxcilites are. 

For a city whose infrastructure is held together with duct tape and prayers, Toronto sure loves to pretend it’s a global capital of glamour. But hey, as long as people are willing to max out their credit cards in Yorkville or Yorkdale Mall, the illusion will live on—just don’t look too closely, or you might see the cracks in those designer facades. Literally. They’re already starting to chip.

Fundraising or Farce?

Toronto’s 2024 gala circuit was a parade of sequins, champagne, and questionable sincerity, where the city’s wealthiest gathered to raise funds while raising eyebrows. These glittering soirées, like the perennial Bloor Street Entertains, promised big for causes but often felt more like fashion shows with a charitable afterthought. Guests sipped cocktails while bidding on silent auction items they didn’t need (a week at a Muskoka cottage! A private chef for your Rosedale dinner party!)—all while pretending they weren’t checking their phones for Instagram tags.

Every gala had the same formula: tickets that cost more than a year of TTC fares, an evening of mediocre food, some kind of photo moment (red carpet or other), vaguely heartfelt speeches drowned out by mediocre DJ sets, and gift bags that probably cost more than the average donation. Meanwhile, the organizers boasted about raising six figures—less impressive when you realize most of it came from the host committee’s friends. By the end of the year, it was clear Toronto’s biggest charity events were less about fundraising and more about being seen, which explains why the event raised eyebrows but not nearly enough funds to justify the spectacle.

Traffic and Transit: A comedic tragedy

In true Toronto form, the city’s roads remained an apocalyptic hellscape. A never-ending gauntlet of gridlock, potholes, and road rage that made you question every life choice that brought you here. Want to drive down the Gardiner? Too bad—it’s closed for “repairs” again, probably until the next Ice Age. Taking the DVP? Prepare for a parking lot with bonus exhaust fumes. And don’t even think about side streets—those are clogged with delivery trucks and drivers frantically trying to dodge construction zones that seem to multiply overnight like mutant rabbits.

And what’s the city’s solution? More bike lanes haphazardly slapped onto major roads, narrowing traffic to a single lane so you can sit longer staring at the cyclist zipping past smugly. Oh, and don’t forget the TTC—our glorious “solution” to car chaos, except it’s plagued with delays, overcrowding, and streetcars that get stuck behind broken-down buses. 

Toronto traffic isn’t just bad; it’s a citywide endurance test designed to crush your spirit and destroy your will to live. How can we call ourselves world-class when it takes 45 minutes to drive 5 kilometers?

Broadcast media: Same static, different day

Local media in 2024 continued its love affair with filler content. Major networks were more interested in telling us it’s snowing in January than investigating actual issues like housing or the rampant corporate takeover of public spaces (cough Ontario Place cough).

Talk radio reached new levels of monotony, with hosts debating topics no one asked for, like whether bagels or naan make a better sandwich base. Spoiler alert: no one cares. Meanwhile, Toronto’s influencers launched their own podcasts, proving there’s truly no escape from people who think their hot takes on oat milk are revolutionary.

Toronto: A city of misplaced priorities

So, here’s to Toronto 2024: a year where Drake’s feud with Kendrick Lamar got more buzz than housing reform, charity galas were just parties with a tax receipt, and the city government continued to confuse “debate” with “progress.”

But hey, at least we got another condo with a rooftop “wellness center.” Who needs functioning transit or affordable housing when you can meditate above the gridlock? 

Here’s hoping 2025 brings us a break from the nonsense, though, let’s be real—this is Toronto. We’ll probably just get more micro-condos and another influencer with a brunch blog.

Check back monthly

Whether you’re here to vent about the latest TTC debacle or toast to those rare moments when Toronto truly shines, make sure to catch #DiaryofaMadTorontonian each month. You’ll find a lively mix of gripes, gossip, and the occasional praise, all delivered with a sly wink from someone who knows this city like the back of their hand. After all, there’s always something buzzing in Toronto—and I’ve got plenty to dish about.

You thought it. I said it. You’re welcome.