You know how it’s obvious you’re setting yourself up for a terrible Valentine’s Day alone? You’re reading this article to begin with – that’s why. But don’t stop reading. We’re going to remind you why a Valentine’s Day alone is the best gift you’ve ever been given, and the fact that it falls on a Friday this year is just an amazing bonus. When was the last time you kicked off the weekend by having a little “me time”?
The truth is, even the happiest of the romantically involved aren’t really that excited about going out to a restaurant only to be surrounded by other couples trying to out happy one another. Everyone secretly knows it’s a full of sh*t celebration of love and only the weak give in to the pressure to put on a show of how fulfilled they are or, alternatively, how fine they are with being single.
This year, if you happen to be unpaired, it’s time to give the commercial holiday the middle finger by doing all the things that fulfill you that a romantic partner just wouldn’t understand. It’s not just the amazing things about ourselves that make us who we are; it’s the stuff we’re ashamed of that truly defines us. This Valentine’s Day, make the most of being single by relishing the opportunity to do all those shameful things without the annoyance of a romantic partner to judge you.
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Cry to Your Favourite Sad Songs
What feels better than crying to “Landslide” (Dixie Chicks version, obvee) on repeat? Pretty much nothing. Even sex isn’t as big of a stress reliever as a good ol’ meltdown. Line up your favourite songs to cry to (we suggest the aforementioned “Landslide,” followed by “Say Something,” “Someone Like You,” “Hallelujah,” “Lover’s Spit,” and “Blower’s Daughter” just to get you going) and watch yourself get teary-eyed in the mirror for dramatic effect. When you’re all done, have a big glass of water and a shower before getting settled on your couch for the rest of the evening. You’ll feel totally purged.
Watch Garbage TV
Have you gotten into Dance Moms yet? Now is the perfect opportunity to catch up on the most horrifically awesome show to ever grace Lifetime TV. Want to indulge in a one-season only reality TV wonder? Check out Gallery Girls and see if you can just watch one episode. You can’t! It’s the best waste of time you’ll never regret.
Shame Eat
Would anyone you’re dating ever understand why microwaving a bowl of cheese is delicious and Atkin’s Diet practical? The answer is no – no one would ever pretend to understand this even if he or she does it when no one’s watching, too.
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Better Yourself
Once you’ve cried, pigged out, and ingested garbage TV, you’ll want to figure out what it is you want in the big picture. No, no… don’t start an online dating profile. That’s not the big picture we mean. The key to finding a romantic partner who makes your life all the more interesting is to be a completely happy and fulfilled individual on your own. You know that line in Jerry Maguire, “You complete me”? No one should actually complete you. If you’ve always wanted to write a book then take a course, change career paths, or do whatever it is that would make you and you alone happier. Start looking into that right now.
Treat Yo’ Self
Who knows you better than you? No one. You don’t have some crappy gift from some new love interest that you now feel obligated to wear or use and you didn’t spend your money buying someone else something they don’t really want either… and you didn’t spend anymore than $5 on a brick of cheese for dinner, so spend what’s leftover on you (and then some). Book yourself a trip or buy yourself an outfit to wear next Friday when it’s February 21st and the weekends return to their blissful, normal selves.
