Pretty Ugly: The dawn of the Ugly Fashion

If you happen to read the news, Planet Earth can seem like a pretty bleak place to live right now. There’s Ebola, tragedy in Syria, global warming, the Sixth Extinction, and Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 is still floating in CNN purgatory. 

Day after day, we wash down these bitter, newsworthy pills with cups of ice-cold penance. Headlines bleed red. Silver linings fade to grey.

And now, something so bleak that you’ll hardly be able to peel yourself from your damp, sweat-stained mattress: Ugly is now Pretty.

Hark, what’s that? If you listen close, you can hear the softly falling hooves of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Clip clop. Clip clop.

The Fashion World, that far-flung planet that amends its constitution four times a year, has been celebrating the rise of ugliness for about two years now. Evidence began trickling in in 2013, and now our sacred runways are saturated with tragedy: Birkenstocks, clogs, boyfriend jeans, jumpsuits, Tevas, fannypacks, harem pants, puffer jackets. The models try to smile with their eyes. You can tell they’re lying. 

Even the righteous editors of Vogue, once salad-eating trust fund girls of summer camp days past, are basking in the neon glow of Ugly. Just listen to how they describe these heinous hiking sandals from a spring/summer 2015 Marni show:

“Think function first and the fashion part will come later once your eyes have had a chance to adjust. These are all about clomping about and have nothing elegant to say. They shout ‘practical’ not ‘pretty’; ‘take a hike’, not ‘catch a cab’; ‘What are you wearing?’, not ‘Oooh, they’re [obviously] nice.’”

That ripping sound? It’s not Velcro. It’s Anna Wintour’s heart.

How did an industry committed to making people look good — or at least, helping some cool people feel better than other less-cool people — elope with the homely girl in overalls, fleeing hand-in-hand to Middle America or the nearest Reebok outlet?

Fortunately, we’re not the only ones clutching our pearls. Vogue editor Jorden Bickham describes what happened when she began wearing her Birkenstocks in public: “When my husband sees them, he says I’m lucky that we’re already married, but honestly I think it’s so much more sexy to be slightly underdressed, like you’re not trying too hard.”

NOT TRYING TOO HARD? What are we supposed to do, Jorden Bickham, play Russian Roulette in our closet every morning, hoping Mother Luck whips up the perfect colour-blocked combination of kitsch, comfort and laid-back style? Do you even know what sexy looks like? 

Deep breaths. Deep breaths. Maybe this isn’t the worst thing to happen to fashion. Ugly styles, like a pair of second-hand overalls, are often cheaper and more comfortable than high-fashion finds, and science has long said that heels are detrimental to your health. The dawn of ugly could mean that men and women can now be more comfortable during their 9-to-5, and teenagers won’t have to keep working minimum-wage jobs just to liquidate paycheques on clothes that won’t fit them in a year. Maybe, just maybe, $120 for a pair of lesbian-chic Birks is better than a $3,000 pair of 100 mm zip-back Bobsleigh Louboutins in camel?

Wait, no. What are we thinking? Of course money = style. Yeesh, devil’s advocate is a dangerous game.

Related Link: Mesh, a 2015 fashion trend from 1888

Featured image: Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada

What do you think about “ugly fashion?” Let Vv Magazine know in the comments below, or tweet us @ViewtheVibe.