It’s almost the Toronto International Film Festival, aka TIFF 2014. Sure, it might not have as sexy a ring as Cannes or even Sundance, but TIFF is actually the sexiest film festival in the world. No, seriously. Are the red carpet looks that come out of Toronto in early September that jaw-dropping? Of course not. TIFF is certainly getting more and more glamourous as it grows, but sequins have nothing to do with the festival’s hotness because it’s the locals who make TIFF sexy, and the stars keep coming back for more.
Cannes, Sundance, and Venice are more tourist destinations than anything else, meaning you’re more likely to see a herd of Americans slowly pile out of a tour bus in over-sized T-shirts than you are sexy locals defining their cultural moment in time and place. Toronto, on the other hand, has a population bigger than Chicago’s and is one of the fastest growing cities in the world. The city would thrive with or without TIFF, and has kickass culinary, film, and music scenes that exist year-round, along with the kind of good-looking locals that only a city with high standards in every industry can groom. Top everything off with the city’s liberal-minded way of thinking, which jives with the leftist views of many a Hollywood star, and Toronto is a hotbed of sexual film festival activity for stars and commoners alike. How do you get with the program? Here’s how to stalk and seduce stars at TIFF 2014…
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How To Stalk & Seduce: Hollywood Hipsters
I know what you’re thinking: Celebrities don’t want to mingle with the common folk, especially when they have exclusive parties to go to and “rising stars” christened by Vanity Fair to bed in their super-secure hotel suites at the Shangri-La. That’s where you’re dead wrong. Long-time famous people lust after so-called average people like we’re a red flower in a bed of yellow ones, a rare cubic zirconia in a world where diamonds are a dime a dozen. There’s nothing big-name celebs want more than to spend the night with you on your ill-matched sheets that you’ve poorly fitted over your box-spring and mattress. Yes, while you’re busy apologizing for the smell of spaghetti sauce in your apartment building’s hallway, your soon-to-be Hollywood one-night-stand will already be getting turned on by the paint chipping off the walls and the way you have to jig your key in the door to unlock it properly. After all, you’re the people he or she plays in movies – an everyday hero or nameless zero or somewhere in between. Nevertheless, you are authentic. Muse? Don’t get crazy, but realize the bewitching power of your budget lifestyle over the super famous. Instead of searching for your Hollywood hipster at his or her red carpet premiere, spend time ordering taco after taco at Grand Electric or catching a bluegrass show at The Silver Dollar… or finding out what Broken Social Scene is up to and just joining their band. Hey, they’ve got room. Hipsters + the social media era + top-notch Hollywood personal assistants = celebrity hipsters who are more in the know of what’s cool in your city than you even are. Go to these places, and wait for them to arrive. They will.
How To Stalk & Seduce: The Hollywood Music Buff
Actors love music. They love putting their designer boho looks forward and hitting Coachella, dreaming of a life where their fame seemed slightly more deserving and their lifestyles a little more “world tour in a van” and a little less “I’ll have to ask my publicist what she thinks I should do.” Rock stars still have the allure of common people, even though that reality died with the invention of television and its cultural impact on celebrity and music, but I digress. Sentiments die hard, so look for celebs like Jake Gyllenhaal who fancy themselves music connoisseurs at the city’s more interesting street-cred-worthy shows. Riot Fest: The Flaming Lips and The Cure takes place in the afternoon of September 6th, and Death From Above 1979 will be there to add a little Canadian je ne sais quoi. As far as music films go, Roger Waters, formerly of Pink Floyd, notably chose Toronto for the world premiere of Roger Waters The Wall, a film he co-directed (with Sean Evans) about his four-year global tour. Waters is apparently psyched to debut the movie in Toronto since he kicked off “The Wall Live” tour for fans at TIFF 2010. His TIFF 2014 Q&A session will be jam-packed with non-famous fans and the famous people who love them… or at least like to get acquainted with them.
How To Stalk & Seduce: The Hollywood Fashionista
Looking broke, struggling, and altogether hard-done-by only adds to your appeal provided you’ve got a decent enough body to make your look seem poor but still grunge era-inspired, like something Saint Laurent’s current designer, Hedi Slimane, would sign off on. If you’re hoping to connect with the kind of Hollywood stars who get seated near Anna Wintour at fashion weeks around the world, forget Holt Renfrew. Stars have personal assistants to run those kind of “errands” for them. Celebs shop on their own at unique boutiques that carry stuff they just can’t get in New York, LA, Paris, or Milan, so keep an eye out at places like the beloved Drake General Store, North Standard Trading Post, and Untitled & Co that have uniquely Canadian and Torontonian items that are also crazy hip. The Canadiana style wave is still a thing, so work it while it’s in your favour. Make small talk with the store clerk about some random ma and pa store where you get hand-knit wool sweaters by Nova Scotian grandmothers, and the conversation practically starts itself.
How To Stalk & Seduce: The Hollywood Foodie
I remember reading in US Weekly once upon a time that Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake road bikes around Toronto before grabbing a bite together at The Black Hoof before the Black Hoof was a big deal even to Torontonians. Whoever stars get the food 411 from, true celeb foodies won’t be strolling around Yorkville eating in places only other celebs can afford. Look for them at places the local food aficionados are crazy about and aren’t necessarily pretentious from a monetary angle. Playa Cabana will draw the truly adventurous, while Momofuku at the Shangri-La will get the hotel guest crowd in part due to convenience but also because of Chef David Chang’s notoriety. Terroni on Queen West always gets serious love from Hollywood stars who eat at the restaurant chain’s LA-based locations.
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How To Stalk & Seduce: The Hollywood Partier
Obviously, The Soho House will be hosting a lot of film premiere after-parties that regular people, including members of the club itself, aren’t even allowed to go to. That means the stars inside the party will get sick of each other fast, and after posing for a handful of photos a true Hollywood party animal isn’t going to stick around. A-listers who like their beer warm and draft-y and their fellow bar patrons laidback and up for a good time can be found pretty much anywhere from Ted’s Collision to Sneaky Dee’s to karaoke at the Monarch on Thursday nights… Hey, they just want to live like common people – can you blame them? When you inevitably seduce your celebrity crush and go back to your budget-style apartment together, don’t expect to ride off into the sunset just because he or she has a driver to take you there. Real life isn’t the movies. If it was, we’d all be common people, and how boring would that be?
What kind of celebrity is on your bang list this TIFF? Comment below or tweet us @ViewTheVibe!
