Ask Dating Guy is a weekly View the VIBE’s relationship column written by a mysterious Toronto-based man who believes anonymity is of the utmost importance when it comes to the journalistic integrity of advice columnists. How else can he divulge stories about his crazy exes, current lovers, and deal-breaking past relationship mistakes without destroying his romantic prospects for future research? Think about it… and feel free to draw conclusions about who he is, too. If you have a question you’d like Dating Guy to answer in an upcoming column, please send it to: info@viewthevibe.com.

Ask Dating Guy: How Do I Give Up Tinder & Meet Women?

Dear Dating Guy,
I’ve been on Tinder for about two years and, while I’ve met women I’ve dated for a month or two here and there, I’ve finally tired of the dating app. I’m ready to meet people in real life again. Problem is, I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how. Sure, I know the basics, like making eye contact and speaking, but I have no idea where to go or how to get things started from there. How do I give up Tinder and meet women? Or did Tinder mess everything up? Do people even go to bars any more or has it become normal to invite complete strangers over after viewing six pictures? Help.
Thanks, Rick5FriendsInCommon

Hi Rick,

North Americans in particular have certainly taken to Tinder with the same absurd enthusiasm they once had the moment young yuppies discovered a Labradooble and access to a heavy-traffic dog park in a well-to-do area were the only two puzzle pieces required to score hot dates in a desirable tax bracket. Facebook photos and GPS-configured proximity have indeed become the new pure bread dog and designated canine playground for horny millennial and even over-sexed Gen-Xers. Despite our raging libidos, we seem to have all dulled somewhat in the in-person charisma department. Why make elevator small talk when you can stare at your phone pretending to read an important email, right? If we seem too many degrees removed from real life flirtations, don’t fret. Meeting prospective romantic partners comes back as easily as riding a bike… or at least composing a hand-written letter, or using a rotary phone.

With that in mind, you don’t need to rush out to the nearest dog kennel to get back out into the real world. You don’t have to take the steps backwards from which you came. In fact, go back to the very basics…

Remember your first serious crush and how you (wished you’d) made your move.
You’re probably old enough to remember a time before the internet made us forget phone numbers all together and how to order a pizza using our own human voice. At the very least, you’re old enough to have been a subject of the Canadian education system where using your iPhone all day and avoiding human contact wasn’t an option. Your first serious crush was likely someone who sat near you in science class, or who seemed to quietly mourn the death of Kurt Cobain as respectfully long as you did (two months, obviously). With that in mind, think now to your present-day life. Do you have any crushes that register the same way? If not, you’re not spending enough time taking in your surroundings. Sure, you could go to a bar and hope for the best, but you’re likely not even noticing amazing potential romantic partners all around you, be they who people you work with, who get their coffee at the same place and time as you in the morning, who attend the same dinner party circuit, or who live down the hall. Start doing more things without constantly checking your phone for texts, Twitter updates, and anything else that resembles your dating life on Tinder. Don’t constantly have your earphones plugged in listening to music the rest of the time either… Yes, even Nirvana warrants a time-out from your life.

Make your move slowly if it’s someone you know and see often
I don’t know if you read the recent New York Times’ piece in the newspaper’s popular “Modern Love” column that detailed the 36 questions academic research has decided two people can answer together, falling in love by the end. I’m not suggesting you start casually dropping these into conversation until you hit 36. A huge part of the reason the 36 questions supposedly incite people to fall in love is by getting them to also hold extending eye contact. Start doing this a little more – a long glance here, a smile there, a look over your shoulder… but keep it chill obviously. There’s no need to get all Dawson’s Creek about it. Create mystery not a confusing new emo alter ego. Women in particular are known to respond romantically to a subtle touch of the shoulder when saying hello – anything that factors in a little innocent touching. No weird stuff. If whoever you’re flirting is also interested in you, she’ll start wondering if you’re interested, if she’s interested, if you’d be a cute couple, and so on. Having a little doubt in her mind might actually heighten her interest in you and even incite her to make the first move. Flirting shouldn’t be about making your feelings known; it should be about making the person you’re flirting with wonder “well, what if?” Make sure to find opportunities to spend more time in each other’s company, even if it’s volunteering to do the dishes at the next dinner party gathering. At this point you’ll have a good sense of her interests as well, so when you mention you have tickets to a certain show you know she loves or have a hankering for an appetizer and cocktail at her favourite after-work haunt, you’ll be able to sense from her response whether you should make the next wild and crazy move: ask her to come with you.

When asking out strangers, apply the above but execute the strategy in turbo mode
With your somewhat out-of-the-picture iPhone and your earphones unplugged, you’ll probably see a lot more attractive people around you all of a sudden. Take everything in the above section and just move it along a little faster, depending on how long you expect to be in your new romantic interest’s company. If you’re in a bar, you’ve likely got around 30 minutes, give or take. If you see a beautiful woman walking down the sidewalk in the opposite direction and you happen to lock eyes and you suddenly think, “Man, I wish I had the balls to just ask her out.” Do it. What have you got to lose? She’s probably so used to being hit on by guys on Tinder who immediately insist they’re only interested in sex from the get-go who would never have the nerve to say the same things to a stranger in real life. A guy who asks a girl out to dinner in the new alternate universe, reality, is actually refreshing. Let me know how it goes…

Does asking a woman out in-person terrify you? What’re your thoughts on “Ask Dating Guy: How Do I Give Up Tinder & Meet Women?” Tweet us at @ViewTheVibe.

VIBE Team

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