Dear Miss Gassy,
I wasn’t sitting right next to you on the subway today, but I was just one person away. First I heard your melodic singing (insert sarcasm here), but you were quiet enough, that I didn’t need to give you stink eye. Then, there was an orchestra and stink of another kind. Gently put, Miss Gassy, trains should toot, but people should not. Well, I don’t want to judge others if they do, but perhaps it’s more appropriate in the comfort of your own home, or in a bathroom? I know that it was you because I couldn’t help but look over briefly and you were bright red, but kudos to you, you kept on singing! That just shows your pluck.
I then proceeded to shake with laughter, but alas, more people are far more mature than me, so I thought sobering thoughts. It didn’t help. So then I thought of what I would say to you if I was brave. My first thought? Perhaps beans on toast isn’t really ideal for breakfast for your delicate constitution or maybe you should be grateful that the plush velour seats of the subway muffled things somewhat.
Here is hoping that the rest of your day goes without incident.
Miss Give A Hoot But Don’t Toot