The only thing consistent about dating these days is nothing’s consistent. The majority of us do many embarrassing things when it comes to dating that we’d be totes shameful for because we think we’re the only ones who do them.

Well, welcome to a place I like to call reality. Here I’ll introduce you to a whole load of secret behaviours we’ve all done and aren’t as secret as your naïve self might think. Your creeping and manipulation are actually quite common (for better or, well let’s be honest, for worst)… So let’s wave the crazy flag together, loudly and oh-so-proudly and get right in there (that’s what she said).

Pen our friends’ flirtatious texts and sexts

We’re all good at dishing out romantic advice and tips to our friends. But we often come up short when it comes to ourselves. So when trying to woo someone anew, especially those of us who aren’t so good with our words, we pass our phones off to our friends to be the author of our sexts and texts alike.

Screengrab our convos and send them to our friends

Whether someone sent us something salacious, or someone sent us a ‘WTF’ message, we take a screenshot of the convo to shoot off to our friends to share in our moment. Plus, maybe get some advice on what this person is trying to say. This is fine, and many people do it, but it goes downhill real goddamn quick… Especially when you accidentally send the screenshot to the person that you’re having the screen shot-able conversation with. #beentheredonethat

We message “U up?” to a roster of people we’ve hooked up with after a night out

There’s nothing more embarrassing than waking up only to look at your text (and/or Facebook) history to find that you sent a handful of “U up?” messages to a handful of different guys. Including a dude you may have only hooked up with once.

If you tend to have loose fingers come end of eve, download an app that allows you to lock certain peoples phone numbers for a handful of hours. Then you don’t have to send them an embarrassing ‘Sorry I texted you last night and every other night I’ve been out this week,” text.

Oh, and a little FYI for the boys who receive these aggressive messages, don’t take it personally. You’re likely one of many getting sent it. Booze and horniness and being newly single is a funny little thing. #sorrynotsorry

Overtip the bartender we have a crush on

The oldest trick in the book. We don’t want to look cheap AF, and we want to show them we value their “service.” Just know money and hook-ups get really awkward. Don’t tip with the intention that they’ll want to hook up with you more, or for a means to an end. Tip based on how you normally would if you didn’t want to get in their pants.

Going to a certain place knowing someone we know (and want) will be there

This one is the worst because we’re sort of trapping them. If you want to see someone, shoot them a message and set something up. Or ask them in advance if they mind if you pop into their locale on occasion. No matter the type of relationship you have, you should always respect and be clear on boundaries. Don’t be that girl or guy that shows up unannounced. It makes other people feel uncomfortable.

Monitoring a crush or partners online activity

Think his recently liked Insta pics – whose he’s liked and who has liked his. If you’re guilty of this, you’re going to want to read this piece we penned on that. No one likes that girl. Don’t be her.

Passing off a Bumble date to a friend

A chicer form of cat fishing. You match with a person on a dating app and as you guys start chatting you realize they would be perfect for a fellow single friend of yours instead of you. So you match them up instead.

Sending a single emoji to someone

Settle down, sista. This move is not a move at all. It’s a desperate act, like the dangling of a carrot, that tells our crush: “Hi. Hello. What up. I’m here. I’m available. I’m thinking of you. So imma send you this emoji of a screw and you’re going to send me one of a hammer, and I’m going to send you an eggplant, and you’re going to send a…IS THAT A MAP?! WTF. That didn’t work out.”

If you’re going to reach out to someone, you come across a lot more strong and confident if you say what you want and ask what you want. Instead of making insinuations with an emoji and the intention and hope that your crush will respond with “I see your screw and I’m going to ditch my bar job right now at 1 am on industry night to come see you. Then hop in bed with you, cuddle you, rub your back, play with your hair and dot dot dot.” You don’t get if you don’t ask. Say what you mean or keep it shut. Your legs, and otherwise.

Which dating faux-pas are you guilty of doing that you’d never admit to? Tweet us at @ViewtheVibe.

Jen Kirsch

Jen Kirsch is a relationship expert, columnist and girl about town. She’s also an on-air personality, with frequent segments on Canada’s top morning and entertainment shows. You can follow her up-to-the minute advice and insight on Twitter at @jen_kirsch.