Lord help us, the “lumbersexual” is actually a thing.

According to anthropological reports, a lumbersexual is a hot hipster who looks like a lumberjack. The urban-dwelling wannabe woodsman wears expensive flannel (to disguise his dad bod), totes a MacBook Pro instead of an axe, and sports a meticulously-kept woollen beard. When not drinking bourbon, his beverage of choice? Craft beer.

Although this fashion evolution has seriously devolved mating season for single women, it does offer a natural marketing theme for the sixth annual Vancouver Craft Beer Week.

“It’s finally come to this… lumberjacks,” reads the welcome address on Vancouver Craft Beer Week’s plaid-covered website. You knew this would happen eventually with half the industry looking like they could walk out of the brewhouse and into the woods.

This year’s promo video is a parody of the Budweiser Super Bowl ad, Brewed the Hard Way, which poked fun at craft beer drinkers. In the VCBW version, a mean, axe-slinging Terminator-like lumberjack stomps through the wood, determined to track down stray commercial beer cans and fell them in half with a mighty chop.

“We like to poke fun at ourselves,” says VCBW co-founder Chris Bjerrisgaard. (Indeed, previous years’ themes have featured men in tutus.) “We try not to take craft beer too serious. And this being our first at the PNE, that has some synergy with the old days of timber sports as well.”

So get ready. The lumberjacks are invading. There will be hairy men with frothy moustaches hanging off every pub stool you can swing an axe at over the next 10 days. Here are a few the must-catch timber-themed events at what’s being billed as the biggest, baddest beer festival Vancouver has ever seen.

Signature CRAFT Beer Market Presents: The VCBW Opening Night Gala
Friday May 29, 6 to 10 p.m.
Roundhouse Mews

Walk the plaid carpet for the Opening Night Gala, which will feature the first annual Vancouver Magazine International Craft Beer Awards. The festival will also be untapping Campfire Kolsch, this year’s collaborative beer. Brewed in honour of the lumberjack theme and official charity (Vancouver Firefighters’ Charitable Society), the Kolsch-style ale was made with cherrywood, smoked malt and tropical fruit-note hops. “Reminiscent of a lightly BBQ’d pineapple.”

Signature Rare Brews & BBQ
Saturday May 30 2 to 6 p.m.
Darcy’s Pub

It’s kind of tame compared to real kettle boil, but what’s a lumberjack show without hot, smoky meat fresh off the fire.

Signature “GIGANTABIROOMCOBALTAPALOOZA!” Presented by Zulu Records
Sunday May 31, 2 to 6 p.m.
The Cobalt

This impossible-to-pronounce event is a bit of a departure with its lineup of music curated by Zulu Records (DADA PLAN, SLOW LEARNERS, and SPOON RIVER along with DJs Ryan Dyck and Nicolas Bragg). There won’t be any fiddles or lumberjack folk bands, but the music-themed event is an indication of the festival’s growth and future direction.

Signature Vancouver Craft Beer Week Festival
Saturday June 6 and Sunday June 7, 2 to 6 p.m.
PNE Centre Grounds

Timber! The Stihl Timbersports Western Canada Finals will be held on PNE’s upper stage throughout the weekend. This is where the real lumberjacks and lumberjills fire up chainsaws, scurry up poles, chop through logs and show off their sweaty muscles. It’s going to be hot.

Of course, there will also be beer – 117 breweries, nearly half from BC – with 400 brews to sample. The Donnelly Group has sponsored a section and turned it into an old-timey replica of Gastown, replete with lampposts, pub games and a pop-up Barber & Co. barbershop, where a few competitive brewers might just lose their beloved facial hair to bad bets.

“Music gives the festival broader appeal,” Bjerrisgaard explains. “We’re not against education, but we’re necessarily about that. Our mission is to introduce craft beer to the masses and get liquid to lips.”

Be they furry or not. In other words, don’t be scared off by the lumbersexuals, you clean-shaven metrosexuals. All the beer might even put a little hair on your chest.

What are some of your favourite Craft Beers? Let Vv Magazine know in the comments below or tweet us @ViewTheVibe.